Gideon's $1.29

Judges 7.
Gideon defeats the Midianites.
If you get the opportunity, read that chapter. It is fascinating. Gideon is fascinating. And even more fascinating is God in this story. The way He strips down the comfort of Israel. Israel had grown to find much safety in her armies. Since their exodus from Egypt, God had been mustering her armies for battle many times before. If God fought with them, they won. If God was not with them, they lost. And ran. And hid. And were taken captive. And plundered.
But on this occasion, God has called Israel to do battle with the Midianites. And there is a catch of sorts...
vs. 2 says: "The LORD said to Gideon, 'You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her, announce now to the people, "Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead."' So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained."
Once more, the LORD said there were too many men for Him to deliver Israel. And so again, the LORD sifts the army and this time...
vs. 7 says: "With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands."
32000 men. Gideon's army.
300 men. God's army.
God sifts. God whittles. God removes the obvious comfort of having 32000 men armed and ready for battle. And God knew, knowing the heart of men for which He created, that a defeat with that many men would have meant Israel seeing her own glory. And so, God being the jealous God that He is, removes any chance that Israel can look to herself anymore. He wanted the glory for Himself. He is God, after all. He is more than worthy of all glory. Glory was created for Him and Him alone.
Here is my story. I left my job as the Youth Director at Trinity Reformed Church last December. I left with my 2001 Saturn wagon (which I still owed money on). With less than $2000 in my savings (in March, I had to pay a $950 car insurance payment). And with the need to do some healing.
Eventually, I ended up in Duluth, MN. By this time, I had $800 to my name. This was in April. (Now mind you, I still have that annoying car payment each month. I have been trying to sell that vehicle since April.) I settled into the school bus and began searching the city for a job. Any job. Just something to help put food on the table and gas in the car. The job never came. I had found one, at The Edgewater Hotel and Resort as a housekeeper, but the Lymes Disease I had back in June prevented that from working out. I have applied to restaurants, hotels, retail stores, group homes, etc. Nothing. I have had a few interviews. But nothing has worked out.
I sit here, August 12th, and have yet to find work here in Duluth. And my time is drawing to a close. God has been whittling down my comfort. He has been sifting. I have tried to be responsible with the money I had this year. I have bought nothing frivolous. I have taken my girlfriend out to eat a few times and we've been to a few movies. I bought wood stain for my growing carving passion. I bought a new basketball. I have filled my gas tank just enough times to get by. I have kept just enough food around to survive off (in addition my girlfriend has helped tremendously in this area -- so a big thank you to her). And that is it. Besides the car payment. Having just written out my check for August's car payment, and making sure my checking account had enough to cover that cost, I will have $1.29 remaining to my name. By the goodness of my parents, I do have $42 in my wallet for gas for making it back to Iowa soon. A trip I will have to make, as a job may have come available down there. But there it is. If you would like to rob me, you now know how much I would be able to offer you.
I understand a huge difference resides between the importance of Gideon's story and my own. One deals with the safety of a nation. And God's glory through her. The other story deals with one man's trying to survive. One very small man. And God's glory through his story. God loves that one small man. And I used Gideon's story to begin, only because in a much smaller way, I too have had my comfort and safety sifted. Whittled. And God wants me to trust Him. With whatever I have left. And so I must. Even if I must walk everywhere. And eat wild berries from the side of the road. And pee in the woods (which I had been doing while living on the bus). I will strive to trust.
It is one of my biggest weaknesses right now. Trusting. I have been awful at it. And that may well be why God keeps whittling. Why my funds are being sifted. Because they do not belong to me. They never did. They have always been His. And He wants me to understand that and trust Him, to which they belong. He can do whatever He may please.
He still deserves the glory. He must have it. No matter what we do. God is glorified. It is the joy of the LORD that His creation should bring Him glory. He doesn't need it from us. He is awesome, incredible, perfect, loving, compassionate, good, and a host of other words which fail to all-encompass Him. But I want Him to be glorified through my little life. My small existence. If I am not, God will simply get it from somewhere else. For He may cause the very rocks to cry out His name!
Amen.
There it is. Gideon's $1.29.

Jesus Built Relationships. Not Buildings.

What comes to mind when you think of the word: "Church?"
What emotions does it stir?
Joy? Happiness? Frustration? Sadness? Nothing?
What ideals do you associate with the word?
Friendship? Social gathering place? Safety? Singing songs with Larry? Long-winded messages? Hypocrisy? Judgment? Money-hungry leaders? A "better-than-you" pastor?
What does scripture say about it?

We need to know what we mean when we announce to somebody that we "go to church." Because the world is watching. All eyes are on us. If this were not true, "Christianity" wouldn't be a favorite subject of late-night satire. And politicians wouldn't attempt to make us think they were one of "us."
The church is used, abused, manipulated, and dying. It doesn't know who it is. And has unknowingly forgotten on whom she was founded. In many cases, it is a dying organism. Suffocated by traditions, organization, plans, multi-million dollar buildings, entertainment, comedic personalities, guilt trips, statistics, and complacent populations.

The church as a reality of life has been lost. But not forgotten. We have the Word of God. And contained within those pages are snippets of what it can be and was meant to be: a life together lived in relationship to Christ.

I am being pushed. I have been so focused the last 5 years on frustrations with the church and trying to understand what it is, that I made an idol of the church. Without even trying. I only saw two angles. A right way and a wrong way. And I feel I missed out on The Way. I had good intentions. But not God intentions. He wants a relationship with me. With you. First and foremost. That is what He is about. Jesus came to show us the way to the Father. To show us how to be in relationship with Him. He was so about relationships. Jesus would not have affixed Himself to one group of people meeting in a brick building. Jesus built relationships. Not buildings. Jesus didn't establish regular meeting times. He wandered. He met. He talked. He listened. He loved. He healed. He prayed. He slept. He ate. He pooped. Jesus didn't wake up Sunday mornings, dreading sitting through another service. He didn't raise His hands in worship because everyone around Him was doing so. Jesus didn't set aside exactly 10% of His earnings from His carpentry business for a local congregation. He talked about life. Real life. Full life. Jesus was honest. Really honest. He had this unabashed love-affair with His Father. And all He wanted was to honor Him and glorify Him. His very life flowed from His Father like water from a faucet. Jesus came to show us the way. He was The Way. And church is about living His way right next to Him.

If you're reading this. If you "go to church." If you grew up "in church." Please take some time to really understand what the church was... and is. By calling yourself a Christian, you are fully throwing your lot in with His. Make sure you know what that means. I am trying to do the same.

In Christ,
Nat

[Return]ing To Poetry and something about some book...

New book I'm reading:
So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore
By Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman.
Pick it up if you're able. It's a good read. It's the fictional story of Jake Colsen and his incredible story that develops before your eyes.
It follows thirteen conversations he has with a man named only John. John comes and goes and sets out to challenge everything Jake has ever known. John has this incredible love-relationship with Father (as he calls Him). John wants to help Jake see faith, truth, joy, forgiveness, sorrow, pain, love, and community through a different set of eyes. To realign Jake's heart with what it's been missing for years.
It is compelling.
I wanted to underline almost every word that John utters throughout the dialogue.

God is moving. His Spirit can be seen. The Bride has stopped her adulterous ways long enough to begin asking questions of the life she made for herself. People are starting to ask major questions of the church. I believe the bigger point being that God is calling His people into realness. Genuineness.

Arise O Bride
Return to your rightful place
At His side.
Do you hear Him calling you home?
The most beautiful voice is His alone.
So arise
Put on your loveliest gown
Pin up your hair
Throw away that frown
Because your Groom has arrived
He has already broken the chains
Which once held you down.
What a glorious day!
He does not care what you have done
Where you have been
Or why you had left.
He only cares that you come back
Never mind what you lack
Just come fall in His lap.
Arise O Bride
And finally! return to your rightful place
At His side.

Return.

I Saw God Today. Observations From My Walk.

Not sure what time it is.
Judging by position of sun in the sky, somewhere close to 4pm.
Sitting on a green bench down by the pier out to Lake Superior. Sitting in the shadow of the Canal Park lift bridge, to my right 100 yards. This is where man belongs. Outside. Seagulls fly around my head. This is their home. On my walk from Rose Garden to Canal Park, I observed many a beautiful thing. Not too long ago, I would have seen these things. And kept going about my merry little life.
This time I noticed them.
My observations:

God Takes Care of Seagulls.
Walking towards the pier, a young girl of maybe 8-years old, still so much in innocence and in awe of everything simple, stood in a field of grass throwing bread crumbs to the seagulls who surrounded her in numbers not easily counted. She giggled and looked excitedly at her mom -- who was preoccupied with something in their car. The seagulls swooned about and spoke to her. In their own way thanking her for the food. As I sit here thinking of the girl with the seagulls, my mind wanders to Your Word where You spoke about even the sparrows having their needs met. The young girl was meeting a need of the seagulls while also feeding her own wonder. You take care of us just like the girl and the seagulls -- standing in the midst of us with a bag of bread crumbs enough for all of us, food which does more than satisfy hunger. You take care of us. In simple ways. In ways not under our control. And you take joy in doing so. You stand there in amazement of Your creation. And (I have to believe) You even let out a little harmonious laugh as You wonder over the simple pleasure of the food which you offer. Well, I say thank You! It's yummy.

Water-Locked Rocks.
I also observed on my walk some rocks just off shore. Probably 20 of them. Large. Separated from the shoreline. Sticking up just enough to be above the water line when waters are calm. But the waters were not calm today. As I watched, waves were crashing against the little patch of rocks. CRASH CRASH CRASH!!! The rocks found themselves surrounded and alone. The water would roll in fast and smack the rocks, shooting upward and falling all over the rocks. If rocks needed oxygen they would barely have enough time to catch their next breath before the subsequent wave arrived. As I thought through this scene, I let my mind wander to those times in my life when I was one of those rocks, with waves crashing against me, making it hard to breathe and stay above the suffocating waters. The waters of life and events which seem to pick up from nowhere like a westward wind off the lake. Things out of our control. All we can do is sit there and take it. CRASH CRASH CRASH!!! Sitting separated from my shoreline. Exposed. We get pounded sometimes. But You showed in Your Word that You have power even over the wind and waves. The rocks that I observed never budged. They never moved from their place. They stood their ground. This is what You can help us do when we're one of those rocks. How refreshing even the nastiest wave can be.

A Bee Resting on a Wall.
I also observed, while walking back from the pier to this bench that I now sit on, a bee sitting on the cement pier wall. It was strange. Bees don't just sit there. They fly. They always seem to be moving. And if you see them sitting on anything, it's a flower. But a cement wall? Good luck trying to pollinate that, buddy! Moments before I had seen the little bee, a Vista Star Fleet tour boat crossed our path, having just passed under a risen lift bridge and heading out into the depths of Lake Superior. I don't know what the bee was thinking, but he sure seemed to be watching the ship pass. And why not? The bee was tired, having fought a day of Northern Minnesota wind. He needed a resting place. To breathe. He seemed completely unfazed by my presence. Think about how small he is compared with us and the world-mindset we live in. It is humbling to note that in comparison we are not so much bigger in the world that we live. We just tend to think we are.
Sometimes we get tired. We need a resting place. And something to delight our two eyes (imagine having 5 eyes like the bee). God, You are like that scene. A wall to rest upon when the trials of moving about in the wind gets to be too much. And You want to delight our eyes every moment. With something way bigger than we are. Maybe a tour boat. Maybe a budding tree. Maybe a flower garden. Or a mountain range in a foggy distance. Or maybe some rocks getting hammered by waves. Or a little girl throwing bread crumbs to the birds. To remind us -- just how small we really are. And show us how flippin HUGE You are.

(Journal entry today while taking a walk along the lakewalk. The observations made. The little things noted. Trying to see things through different eyes. Trying to never get complacent with things even as small as a bee sitting on a pier cement wall.)

Perhaps One Day They'll Call This: Volleism!

(A message written to a friend in response to a question asked)

Dear Friend,

I hope to not add more confusion into the boiling pot of thoughts and opinions you're working through. I hope to simply offer what I have learned and read from the truth of the Scriptures. And I pray that the Holy Spirit might be taking over these fingers.

What a wonderful thing to wrestle with! I am really encouraged to see others struggle through this topic -- predestination and free-will. I find it intriguing when people talk about the idea of predestination and use the term: Calvinism. I have read what Calvin wrote about "the elect." He would have lovingly sat down with someone nowadays who calls themselves a Calvinist and directed them to the point. See, readers of Calvinism -- or Neo-Calvinists -- are really the leaders of this "Calvinism" group who so strongly talk about predestination. It makes me laugh and also sad. Calvin himself did not know. He simply was asking questions. One cannot deny the existence of terms like: "the elect" and "predestination" or "those who the Father gave me" in the Bible. They are there and so we must not shove them aside so quickly. So Calvin set out to begin the discussion.

My first question is this: Is God Omni-potent enough? That is a silly question. What many people within the Predestination vs. Free-will debate don't realize is that the real question is this: who is God and is He strong enough, smart enough, or good enough to be: whatever I am arguing for. I believe that God is all-powerful, all-present, and the Lord of all. There is nothing less that I can attribute to the creator of the universe. I believe that God has the power to affect the realm of free-will: just read the first 10 chapters of Exodus to see how God "hardened Pharaoh's heart." Over and over again God affects. And He is Lord of all things: Colossians 1:15-20. If God wants something to happen, He will make it happen. And because He is good (and hasn't read our dictionary to find out our definition of what it means to be good), His plan is always perfect. Who am I to say that God simply sits back and lets things happen? God is not a God of chaos (I believe there is a verse regarding this). And I'm sure you've heard many times the verse in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I know you've heard this passage before (sometimes we hear it too often, but without the proper context), but go back and read the entire context of what God is saying and to whom and why. All throughout the scriptures I believe God is trying to get something across -- from Genesis to Revelation -- God has a plan and purpose. And I think Revelation is a great book to speak to the point of God having a plan, as the entire book is about God sharing His plan with His people. To give hope. His power in plans and purposes gives a source to the hope that we have. Jesus was a plan. Salvation was a plan. In the words of Joker in Dark Knight: "It's all part of the plan."

I do not quite agree with what this pastor-friend said. At least from what I understood you say -- "God may or may not have a sovereign plan for our lives, but we should live as if he doesn't." If we were to live as if God didn't have a plan or purpose, then we are denying the pure existence of God -- for that is part of His essence. Man has always struggled understanding God. The Israelites over and over forget that God had a plan and purpose for their little excursion through the desert. I have often questioned God's plan. When my dad was diagnosed with possible terminal cancer, I questioned God's plan. We have to wrestle with these things. We have to ask questions -- and that is why I am so thrilled that you're struggling with this. When we question, even God, answers begin to come in many different ways, and over the course of our lives.

As far as Acts 16 is concerned, it is this beautiful story of this struggle. Man -- Paul and his companions -- wanted and felt "called" to Asia, to preach the Good News there. A noble charge indeed. God should be thrilled that they want so badly to preach His message there. But God had other plans. He had a place for them where the gospel was to be preached and heard. I believe this history story is in a perfect place in the book of Acts, because the writer is reminding the readers that this movement of the gospel did not come by human power or will, but by God's power and will. God has a plan. Again, Jesus was a plan. The Cross a plan. Even Jesus, God in human flesh, carried out a plan. Saying over and over again that He was doing what the Father told Him to do. A few times when He heals someone, He tells them not to say anything to anyone. Why? Because He knew that the Jews wanted to make Him their earthly, conquering king and that wasn't part of the plan. So He would tell these people who had seen His power to not say anything. His time had not come yet. Jesus shows us how to live in relationship to God. And Jesus life was one of obedience to the Father. And this I believe, is how God intends for all of us to live -- to live obedient to the Father. To pray and seek His will. To die to ourselves and our "plan" and to fill up in ourselves God's plan. Because, over and over again God affects. And God is good.

I hope this was of some help. Keep praying and asking God to give you wisdom on the matter. And keep searching the scriptures.

In Christ,
Nat