I am about to open a page of my journal for you to read. I have never shared anything from my journal before. This is a huge step for me.
Journal entry: 1/12/09
"Dear Papa,
Well, I am back home, to Big Rapids. The move went smoothly. The last day was a little stressful, but everything got finished that needed to be finished. It has been nice being home. Done some fun things with family -- drove to Detroit over the weekend, played some intense Wii! The girls and I have reconnected very well -- lots of joking. I've had some good talks with my parents, mostly during the drive to Detroit or to the Auto Parts Store. Mom and Dad bought a little 4x4 a couple weeks ago, which we took to Detroit during a blizzard they were having. On the drive home, we almost got lost taking some backroads, but ended up making an adventure out of it. We stumbled across some unused, snow-covered roads where the little 4x4 could be unleashed! It was incredible. Knuckles white, gripping the steering wheel with everything in me, I pushed those 4-powered tires to the max, as the road winded and dipped all about. It was so exciting -- the sorta thing this lifeless shell needed to feel.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the senses. Thinking about how much a new-born baby has to learn through their senses. Before they can talk, walk, or put together logical thoughts, they experience. They need to see, feel, hear, taste, and smell! I love watching a baby play with its tiny feet. The most simple form of experiential adventure any person ever may have. If we could ask a baby what love is -- again before they have developed logical thought and reason -- I think after perhaps staring at us for a moment, he would go back to playing with his little toes. They experience love. Tell a baby how much you "love them" and it means nothing yet to them. Hold her small body close to your own, allowing your warmth to transfer to hers, and she has been loved. Get down on the floor with her, playing with her, and she has been loved.
The greatest act of love ever recorded in all of our history books was one simple act too. And very much it was experienced. Jesus' body felt intense physical pain; the onlookers felt emotional pain (at least those close to Him); they saw the blood, the nails pounded, the Savior hanging; the smell of lingering death, blood, sweat, and salt from anguished tears; the taste of those tears rolling over the lips, then licked by the tongue; the sound of yelling Roman Soldiers, screaming and sobbing loved ones, the nails, the words coming from the very mouth of a deserted God, the thunder rolling in from the west off the nearby sea. The whole thing one big, senses-filled act of love!"
And now additional thoughts.
Jesus prayed in John 17:23, shortly before His greatest act of love: "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." And in vs. 26, "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." 1 John 3:18 says this: "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." Love needs to be experienced.
There is so much brokenness in our world. So much hurt. Fathers leaving their wives and kids to fend for themselves. He is overwhelmed with the responsibilities and running from his problems. Mothers running off to new lovers. She feels the man she married 20-years ago has stopped looking at her the same as when they spent that passionate honeymoon together.
Our churches are just as broken and hurting. An entire generation turning its collect back on being the Body of Christ. They are running after their own gods -- the gods of their minds and feelings. Those holding out inside the building have forgotten the reason they went in the first place. They are running after their gods too -- the gods of money, structure, human leadership and ability.
Jesus had this to say to the Church of Ephesus, as recorded by John in Revelation 2:1-4, "These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." How can that be? How can they have so many things right -- good deeds, testing of falsehoods, enduring hardships -- but be told you have forgotten the reason for it all? That you have forsaken and forgotten your first LOVE? Is that even possible?
And here is my question: How do we fall in love, once again, with our "first love?" We have gone off, trying ourselves with other "lovers," and He just waits. But not forever. When will we stop whoring ourselves out to other "lovers?" When will we finally come home? When will we learn to love with our senses? When will we get down on the floor with God and just experience Him -- with our eyes, ears, tongue, nose, and skin? When will we see how much He wants us and how much we need Him? When will His act of love finally break through my crusty exterior and really sink in? When will I stop typing on this keyboard and go love on some people?
Just some random thoughts...
Journal entry: 1/12/09
"Dear Papa,
Well, I am back home, to Big Rapids. The move went smoothly. The last day was a little stressful, but everything got finished that needed to be finished. It has been nice being home. Done some fun things with family -- drove to Detroit over the weekend, played some intense Wii! The girls and I have reconnected very well -- lots of joking. I've had some good talks with my parents, mostly during the drive to Detroit or to the Auto Parts Store. Mom and Dad bought a little 4x4 a couple weeks ago, which we took to Detroit during a blizzard they were having. On the drive home, we almost got lost taking some backroads, but ended up making an adventure out of it. We stumbled across some unused, snow-covered roads where the little 4x4 could be unleashed! It was incredible. Knuckles white, gripping the steering wheel with everything in me, I pushed those 4-powered tires to the max, as the road winded and dipped all about. It was so exciting -- the sorta thing this lifeless shell needed to feel.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the senses. Thinking about how much a new-born baby has to learn through their senses. Before they can talk, walk, or put together logical thoughts, they experience. They need to see, feel, hear, taste, and smell! I love watching a baby play with its tiny feet. The most simple form of experiential adventure any person ever may have. If we could ask a baby what love is -- again before they have developed logical thought and reason -- I think after perhaps staring at us for a moment, he would go back to playing with his little toes. They experience love. Tell a baby how much you "love them" and it means nothing yet to them. Hold her small body close to your own, allowing your warmth to transfer to hers, and she has been loved. Get down on the floor with her, playing with her, and she has been loved.
The greatest act of love ever recorded in all of our history books was one simple act too. And very much it was experienced. Jesus' body felt intense physical pain; the onlookers felt emotional pain (at least those close to Him); they saw the blood, the nails pounded, the Savior hanging; the smell of lingering death, blood, sweat, and salt from anguished tears; the taste of those tears rolling over the lips, then licked by the tongue; the sound of yelling Roman Soldiers, screaming and sobbing loved ones, the nails, the words coming from the very mouth of a deserted God, the thunder rolling in from the west off the nearby sea. The whole thing one big, senses-filled act of love!"
And now additional thoughts.
Jesus prayed in John 17:23, shortly before His greatest act of love: "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." And in vs. 26, "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." 1 John 3:18 says this: "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." Love needs to be experienced.
There is so much brokenness in our world. So much hurt. Fathers leaving their wives and kids to fend for themselves. He is overwhelmed with the responsibilities and running from his problems. Mothers running off to new lovers. She feels the man she married 20-years ago has stopped looking at her the same as when they spent that passionate honeymoon together.
Our churches are just as broken and hurting. An entire generation turning its collect back on being the Body of Christ. They are running after their own gods -- the gods of their minds and feelings. Those holding out inside the building have forgotten the reason they went in the first place. They are running after their gods too -- the gods of money, structure, human leadership and ability.
Jesus had this to say to the Church of Ephesus, as recorded by John in Revelation 2:1-4, "These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." How can that be? How can they have so many things right -- good deeds, testing of falsehoods, enduring hardships -- but be told you have forgotten the reason for it all? That you have forsaken and forgotten your first LOVE? Is that even possible?
And here is my question: How do we fall in love, once again, with our "first love?" We have gone off, trying ourselves with other "lovers," and He just waits. But not forever. When will we stop whoring ourselves out to other "lovers?" When will we finally come home? When will we learn to love with our senses? When will we get down on the floor with God and just experience Him -- with our eyes, ears, tongue, nose, and skin? When will we see how much He wants us and how much we need Him? When will His act of love finally break through my crusty exterior and really sink in? When will I stop typing on this keyboard and go love on some people?
Just some random thoughts...
2 comments:
That made me cry...I am not really sure why, I'm still digesting it, but I needed to hear it.
You have a gift for writing Kevin, keep it up. :)
Thank you very much for the compliment. I just start typing and hope the Spirit takes hold of my fingers. All I want is to glorify God through anything that is written.
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