Little One

Dear Little One,

Let me begin by welcoming you to a whole new world. The one you just left was warm, safe, small, and all about you. All of that is about to change. You will be cold. You don't just get food anytime you need it anymore. You'll have to get someone's attention if you want any of that now. Same if you get thirsty. Don't expect a quick drink anytime you want one. You'll have to let someone know you're feeling parched. Don't worry. You'll quickly learn how to get their attention. And hopefully, if they are any good at their role, they will learn for what you're asking. Breathing will be a little different. There will be times when you must fight for your air. Keep your chin up, little one. Things are definitely changing. It's ok. You'll be glad things changed soon. Life would have gotten a little cramped for you otherwise. This is all part of a greater plan for you. And no matter what kind of parents I have given you, know that I love you very very much. You are special to me. If you look to me, I will take care of you. It is I, who created you and wanted you to live. Many mommy's and daddy's will not know I had a role in your creation. They will not understand what I have given to you. But here is our little secret: You are even more than the body and mind you are about to explore.

I chose this very moment for you. Someday you might have the opportunity to learn about history and see just how I've been at work over the last few thousand years. I looked out throughout time, little one, and wanted you to be born right when you did. There was nothing anyone could have done to stop it. You are my plan. My purpose. My most beautiful creation. Everything about you is incredible. And even though it will get harder every day, do not forget these things! They will not change when you're older like your mommy or your mommy's mommy. Do not forget! There is much beneath your skin that I have made work even without your knowledge. Don't worry about these things; they will continue to function as long as I desire them to. It's another wonderful way that I have given you a purpose. You are alive for however long I have chosen for you. Your life is in my hands. You are so special. I am excited about you to be here with me.

Open your little eyes. This world is much bigger. So many new things to see and touch and smell. Only my hand could have done over the last 9-months what just took place. You. Use these next couple years to enjoy learning about this whole new world. I have given you five senses. Taste. Touch. Smell. Sight. Hearing. I think you will take great delight in them. Soak up the experiences. You will enjoy a vast bounty of tastes. Juicy, sweet fruits will make your tongue feel as if it was dancing in the rain (and you will learn the joy of this someday too). Fresh, warm bread melting in your mouth. Cheeses. Meats. Nuts. Oh, and I cannot wait till the day you first try ice cream! You will learn very quickly that your entire body is covered with something called "feeling." Explore. You will appreciate this sense very much. Carpet. Grass. Hard. Soft. Rough. Smooth. Warm. Cold. I created it that your "feeling" is most stirred by the skin of another person. This was one of my greatest creations. You will need it the rest of your life. You will find that I have given almost everything its own unique smell. Enjoy them. Flowers are one of my favorites. I hope you like them too. Someday, you might be sitting in a room, typing on a computer, and you will smell the most pleasant smell coming from another room altogether: A cake baking! Oh the excitement! Little one, I have given you two eyes. With these, you will soon learn just how big the world really is. Everything has its own shape. I love variety. You will soon see. You will see that I am quite the painter. I absolutely adore color and have used it everywhere. This I have done simply for your enjoyment. Just wait till you see your first sunset. Breathtaking! Reds. Blues. Yellows. Greens. Oranges. Purples. Pinks. Blacks. Browns. Whites. Color will play a very big role in the world I am bringing you into. Just remember this, little one, all colors come from me and none is better than the next. Take in everything that you see. And remember who made it. I am about beauty. You will see. Oh the beauty of everything. Haha! Get's me excited. Just understand however, some things you see you will not like. This is where it gets hard. You must be very careful what you see. If you're not, you will only be letting more pain into your life. I will help you with this one, if you ask. Last but not least, little one, I am about to show you the full sense of hearing. You have been hearing things for awhile now. Muffled sounds. People talking to you. Maybe you heard a song or two. It gets sweeter. Various things in the world you're entering give off all kinds of sounds. Some sounds you will enjoy. Some you will not. Oh, I do hope you enjoy music. Anything can be used to make music. Music has a very special place in this world. Oh, I do enjoy when people use music for me! If you get to make music, little one, will you make it for me? Oh please do! It makes me smile to hear my little ones making music. But just like sight, this one can be used for bad too. So be careful what you hear. Unfortunately, you will find that it is through hearing that people hurt each other the most. Just be careful, little one. I created these five senses for your enjoyment and to help you learn about me and about how I made you. Be careful with all of it. And do not forget where it came from. Through these five senses, many people who do not know me have hurt the world and continue to hurt the world. It is not an easy thing, growing up in this world. You will need me every step of the way.

And now I have called you out. Out of safety. Out of warmth. And into my plan for you. Listen very closely, little one, for I am about to speak something into your precious little ears: The world I am calling you out into will not be a safe place. You will feel hurt. You will scrap your knee many times. You will feel heat and burn your skin. Bugs will bite you. You will be afraid of them. Bees will sting. You'll cringe at the sound of their little bodies in flight. There will be one which moves slowly around on eight legs. The sight of these will make your body freeze in fear. But remember this quick tip: shoes work great! Oh, you'll learn about shoes soon enough, little one. There are bigger things than just bugs that you'll fear too. Things of all shapes and sizes. Animals with many sharp teeth. Big things that move fast. Scary noises. And as you grow, even thoughts in your mind will send terror through your little body. Do not be afraid. There are many things that you could be afraid of, but pay them no attention. Because I am going to be there right beside you. Do not forget, you will need me every step of the way.

I do believe it is time for me to introduce myself. I go by many names. I have found it difficult to express all that I am with just one name. To many people, I am simply God. I am he, yet many do not understand the meaning behind what they say. It is used too often; understood too little. You'll hear some of my names used by people for other means. Be careful how you use my names. All I want, my dear little one, is for you to understand who I am. I want you to desire me. That you may best understand me in your young, wonder-filled mind, you may call me: Cord. You understand this well. Not too long ago a cord connected your body to your mother's. This cord brought food and nutrients into your little body. It was your connection with your mother. It sustained your life. This is who I am. I am your sustaining life. I give everything you need to grow and live. I give you food, drink, breath, I gave your heart the little spark it needed to begin. I am the everlasting cord. When a person forgets who sustains their life, they die. Just as you would have died without the cord connected to your mother's body. Remember my name for the rest of your life, even after the scare has healed from the last cord being severed. I will never be severed from you. That is why I called myself the everlasting cord. I will not be cut off. The life sustaining that I offer is always yours to have, so long as you seek me for it. But remember again, little one, a life apart from their source of life is no longer a life. You will die apart from me. I am Cord. Oh little one, I am so excited to share with you all about myself.

I am your Maker. Your Crafter. I dreamed you up and put my hands to work, selecting from only the best of ingredients. I sat down in my workshop and pieced you together. I did this with all of creation. Because the story is bigger than just you. It began long ago. In a garden. The most beautiful garden ever made. Oh little one, I do hope you enjoy this story. It is my favorite.

It was long ago. In the beginning. The beginning of all things. Except for me. I was before the beginning. The earth was not yet formed. I stepped into the picture. Sitting down at my design table, I thought up every nook and cranny that I wanted created. I wrote down all the words I wanted to speak.

I opened my mouth. Words came flying out. My words became light where no light had existed. Flame ate up the darkness, forcing a distinctive line between where light and dark would now live. I stopped what I was doing and looked, staring at what I had just done and liked it very much. This was the first day I recorded. The first day of days. Time began right here.

The next day, speaking again, the words became sky shooting from every corner of my mouth. I had this perfect design for water above and water below and needed to separate them. My words went out and pushed a space between the two waters – waters above and waters below. I liked my design. This was the second day I recorded.

The third day, speaking again, my words went out from my mouth in power and became land. The water below I knew should be nicely complemented by dry ground. And so my words did as I instructed them. I now had water and land below. It was perfect. But I wasn't finished. I had more planned for this day. My words continued to come out from my mouth and now on this dry ground came green plants of many kinds, each with the capability of producing more of their own very kinds. It was wonderful. Live plants that would keep producing and growing. Trees, bushes, flowers, shrubs – all beautiful and perfect. I very much liked what I had just created. This was the third day I recorded.

The fourth day, I opened my mouth and out came sources for the light from the first day. I wanted to separate the light from the darkness into timeframes – a light for the day and a light for the night. By this day and night, all time would be measured – hours, days, weeks, months, and years – and also four seasons would have rules to instruct them. A large ball of fire came shooting from my mouth. I called this ball of fire the sun and gave it strict instructions to give off light during what would be the day. Also, the moon, not as bright as the sun, came shooting from my mouth and would be my light for the night. I set these, sun and moon and also stars, in the sky from the second day. Oh, how I liked how it was all coming along so perfectly. This was the fourth day I recorded.

The fifth day, I opened my mouth and from it came fish and birds of all kinds. Wonderful, colorful fish of all kinds came shooting from my mouth and into the water below, filling it. Also, perfect, graceful flying creatures called birds came shooting from my mouth to fill the sky with their image. I told all these fish and birds, continue to make more of yourself – lots and lots more! Never stop. And they won't. They are always making more. It's beautiful. I am so excited about what I have made today. This was the fifth day I recorded.

The sixth day, oh how I love telling about the sixth day, I opened my mouth and the words became animals of all kinds on the ground. So many animals everywhere! And so many different kinds. Big animals, small animals, furry animals, smooth-skinned animals, blue animals, red animals, black animals, white animals, animals with 2-legs, 4-legs, and even no legs. Oh, how I love variety. Then I opened my mouth again and the words became a man. This creation was special to me. There was something extraordinary I had planned for this one. I put pieces of myself into the man – hardwired it into his craftsmanship so that he could not rid himself of its existence. After some time passed, I made the man fall asleep – it wasn't hard since he'd been busy giving names to all my other creation – and then I took a bone from his chest to make a very special helper, a beautiful woman to walk beside the man and to compliment who I had made him to be. I finished by telling the man and woman to have more of their kinds. Lots more. And then we walked. I walked with the man and woman and placed them in the most beautiful part of my creation, a garden called Eden. I looked out over everything I created and it was very good. I like it all, but especially the man and the woman. This was the sixth day I recorded.

The seventh day, I planned that no more words would come from my mouth. I laid down on my couch to rest from all my work in creating the world and everything my words went out to do. This was a special day and would be forever more. The day when I rested.

You understand rest, don't you little one? You love sleep. I designed your body to need lots of sleep right now. It has been a long day. I will let you rest now. But tomorrow, I will tell you more about myself and how much I love you. And I do. I do love you, little one. Do not forget. I made you – spoke you into existence just like man and woman when I created the world. You are special just like them too. And I love you. Your Cord loves you and wants you to rest now. Goodnight, little one.

Goodnight.

Grace Like Shampoo.

Saturday night. Jenna and I were to my home in Iowa, visiting my family. My sister Victoria and I were up watching an Alfred Hitchcock movie. It was around midnight.
Chara, my families dog, was barking to be let in. She is a black with white belly Britney Spaniel and Lab mix. Almost 11-years old. If she was a high school guy, she would fit right in with her shaggy fur and slightly curled up tail. Weighs around 60 pounds. Head comes to your waist, maybe a little above. She has been a huge part of our family since we got her as a pup. Very devoted dog. The sort that you can let off a leash and are assured she won't run away screaming. Victoria got up to let her in.
Oh the night we were about to find ourselves in the midst of.

Toria, as we call her, came into the living room where I was sitting, waiting for the commercials to stop their jabber, and said with a slightly distressed, slightly confused look on her face: "Chara is drooling from both sides of her mouth."
"What?" I asked.
"Chara has lots of drool running from both sides of her mouth."
"Ok. Well, let her in and we'll see why."
Just so you know right now, we never figured out why she had such drool coming from her mouth. But she was right because it was as if the fountain of youth had found its way through her insides and out her mouth.
But the story continues...
The moment that hound entered the house, I felt some terrorist group proclaiming war against my nose. Chara came in stinking. She smelled awful. The odor filled the house immediately.
Since it was my parent's house, I did the only thing I knew to do which was wake them. This began the long part of the night, as the three of us -- Toria, my mother, and I -- went to work trying to remove the stench. My mom tried a damp cloth and dog shampoo. Dry. Not going to work. We need more ammo. We need water.
Shower time.
So I stripped of everything but my boxers (yes, I just said my boxers... don't get your undies all in a tizzy) and beckoned Chara come into the shower with me. It was in that shower that I first began to realize the bigger picture of what this event was showering me... I mean showing me. There in the half-bath shower of my parent's main floor bathroom. With a solid fiberglass door and shower head on a hose. At 12:30am. Trying to hold my breath from the smell which was now locked up in the small space that Chara and I now occupied together. I scrubbed. Soaked. Rinsed. And scrubbed a little more. All trying to overcome the stink that Chara got herself into.
In that shower, wet and covered in clumpy black hair from Chara's coat, thoughts of God filled my mind. Thoughts that would not permit me loose until I had fought and thought and fought some more. God was taking another occasion to teach me truth. His truth. The only truth that is truth.
There are so many times we get ourselves into a stink of a situation. We wreak! We're dirty. And we don't even realize it. God has to take us by the hand and lead us into the shower with Him. We have to humble ourselves to letting Him wash our stench away. He strips down into His God-sized boxers (I don't know very well whether or not He has need of wearing boxers) and very gently and lovingly begins the cleaning process. The water runs down over us. We are a little scared and ashamed. We don't understand how we ended up in this place again. We keep our head lowered and breath very slowly, as did Chara in that shower. We figured last time would be the last time. But He just keeps washing away the odor that had so worked it's way into our heart. Grace is lathered across our souls. He works it in deep. To penetrate to the root of our thick fur, where the smell resides. The water continues to fall on us. He continues to work on our mess. A mess -- a smell -- we cannot remove ourselves. We try. Chara tried too. She came in from the outside and started rolling all over the carpet. She wanted the smell off her. So she did what she knew best to do. Roll around. But all it does is spreads. She is so very kind enough to share with everyone else. But all her rolling and rubbing doesn't do a thing. Neither does any of our own fixes. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. The latest and greatest toy from Best Buy. A heavy paycheck. A new relationship or lover. A juicy romantic novel. A plate of french fries. Day time TV. Even our own pursuit of good health. It's us. Trying to fix and rid ourselves of our own stench. On our own. Without Him. And the carpet still stinks.
But still He remains. With such gentleness, He moves His hand across us with water pouring down to wash away the grit and grim of our sins and makes sure to rinse out well everything. Leaving no trace behind. He works in His own perfect timing. And finally, we exit the shower once again clean and smelling like some beautiful scent that the Creator of the universe could only dream up.
The stench and stink is gone. Wash away. GONE! Did you hear me? It no longer exists. What once was is now no more. No more. No more war against the nose. No more smelling like burning rubber mixed with skunk. We are free from the smell. He has made us clean.
This is grace. This is forgiveness. This is the God I am wanting to live for. Willingly jumping into the shower with us and our horrible smell of a mess we made and doing what we were powerless to do.

Grace Like Shampoo.

Walking Against the 7-Grain Bread.

Grain.
I carved a boat today.
Took me five hours.
First 3-dimensional object I've carved.
It was relaxing. Encouraged me to get outside. Breathe some fresh air. Use my hands.
Cut my finger really badly though.
That hurt.
I was sitting down by Lake Superior, on a rock jutting out into the water when my hand slipped and the blade sliced through my flesh like butter.
One of those learning curves. Whatever that means.

Have you ever carved wood before? Or chopped wood? Have you ever seen the lines running through a piece of wood? Grain. It is where we get our cliche: "Going against the grain." You would not understand that cliche unless you've ever worked with wood before. Don't try it. Do not go against the grain. Bad things happen. Like cutting off your finger. Or worse... wood fray!

I was thinking about grain today. This was after I ate my 7-grain bread this morning. But my thoughts had nothing to do with my breakfast. I was thinking about how Jesus went against the grain of the culture He had been born into. Everyone was walking in this one direction. They were all running after godliness by their own power. Man, if I do good and pretend to follow this law then I'm set for heaven. Bring on the pearlys! Everyone was trying to make it on their own, thinking they were honoring God. Then Jesus comes and starts walking the other direction. I'm sure at very first people did not take much notice. The dude probably just dropped his wallet back there and wants to find it. Quick, whoever finds this dudes wallet before He does gets a free goat! But it did not take long for this "other direction" to get people's attention. This was completely different. You mean, this guy, Jesus, is actually walking... the other way?! WHOA! "Hey hey, Jesus, you know man, you're walking in the wrong direction buddy! It is this way to God, man!" But Jesus was God-man so He paid no attention. Jesus wanted to show people the perfect way to the Father.
All throughout the history before Jesus' time, God kept showing people who He was. He kept wanting them to see how totally awesome and beyond understanding He was. He wanted to talk to them. But they were too busy building towers reaching to the sky, walls wider than Shaq's feet, and seemed obsessed with swords. But God had meant for them to live IN Him. To draw everything they were from Him. And so to get the message across, once and for all, He inacts the plan He had been making since before the world even came into being ("being" is a big fancy word meaning: God spoke and then there was...). Jesus. His Son. Man's son. "The Word became flesh and moved into the neighborhood." God intrudes. And has a little something-something to say. "All these things you're doing will not save you. I do not care about them. I just want you to know me. To know that it was I who created you. I breathed into your very lungs and gave you My breath. It was I who chose Abraham to father all of you -- and in a way you don't even understand. It was I who spoke with Moses and gave all these laws. Because I wanted you to see that you could not do it without Me. And so I AM here." So Jesus came both in fullness God and fullness man (do not just simply read over the word "fullness," think about what that is saying), to point people in the direction they were supposed to be walking in before. They just didn't know that. And apparently they liked the direction they were walking in (if only they understood that if they turned around, the other side of their face would get a little Son too!).
It's hard carving against the grain. And apparently hard walking against the grain too. But Jesus calls us to follow Him. In the direction He's walking. And that means we must walk against the grain of those around us. It will be hard. Maybe it already has been for you. You constantly have to be watching where you're walking -- where He's walking. Bumping into people is unavoidable. Just a word to that though: Jesus loves it that way! Because you have their attention at that moment and you can tell them why you just bumped into them. And it means that with each step you and those you were walking with before are getting further and further apart. And that may be the hardest part for some people. Having to walk away from those closest -- to follow Jesus, to have fullness of life (there is that word again). There is a cost. For some people, that may just mean losing your finger. But Jesus commands that you follow Him against the grain of the world. He wants to have you as His companion along the journey. He'd even die for that possibility.
Sometimes in wood-carving, it is enivitable that you must work against the grain. And you must. Through the cutting off of fingers and wood fraying. When it is finished, something beautiful appears. God had a similar result. ONLY A GAZILLION TIMES MORE BEAUTIFUL: YOU!
Isn't it fitting that Jesus was most likely a carpenter? I wonder if He had trouble carving against the grain?

Jesus Built Relationships. Not Buildings.

What comes to mind when you think of the word: "Church?"
What emotions does it stir?
Joy? Happiness? Frustration? Sadness? Nothing?
What ideals do you associate with the word?
Friendship? Social gathering place? Safety? Singing songs with Larry? Long-winded messages? Hypocrisy? Judgment? Money-hungry leaders? A "better-than-you" pastor?
What does scripture say about it?

We need to know what we mean when we announce to somebody that we "go to church." Because the world is watching. All eyes are on us. If this were not true, "Christianity" wouldn't be a favorite subject of late-night satire. And politicians wouldn't attempt to make us think they were one of "us."
The church is used, abused, manipulated, and dying. It doesn't know who it is. And has unknowingly forgotten on whom she was founded. In many cases, it is a dying organism. Suffocated by traditions, organization, plans, multi-million dollar buildings, entertainment, comedic personalities, guilt trips, statistics, and complacent populations.

The church as a reality of life has been lost. But not forgotten. We have the Word of God. And contained within those pages are snippets of what it can be and was meant to be: a life together lived in relationship to Christ.

I am being pushed. I have been so focused the last 5 years on frustrations with the church and trying to understand what it is, that I made an idol of the church. Without even trying. I only saw two angles. A right way and a wrong way. And I feel I missed out on The Way. I had good intentions. But not God intentions. He wants a relationship with me. With you. First and foremost. That is what He is about. Jesus came to show us the way to the Father. To show us how to be in relationship with Him. He was so about relationships. Jesus would not have affixed Himself to one group of people meeting in a brick building. Jesus built relationships. Not buildings. Jesus didn't establish regular meeting times. He wandered. He met. He talked. He listened. He loved. He healed. He prayed. He slept. He ate. He pooped. Jesus didn't wake up Sunday mornings, dreading sitting through another service. He didn't raise His hands in worship because everyone around Him was doing so. Jesus didn't set aside exactly 10% of His earnings from His carpentry business for a local congregation. He talked about life. Real life. Full life. Jesus was honest. Really honest. He had this unabashed love-affair with His Father. And all He wanted was to honor Him and glorify Him. His very life flowed from His Father like water from a faucet. Jesus came to show us the way. He was The Way. And church is about living His way right next to Him.

If you're reading this. If you "go to church." If you grew up "in church." Please take some time to really understand what the church was... and is. By calling yourself a Christian, you are fully throwing your lot in with His. Make sure you know what that means. I am trying to do the same.

In Christ,
Nat

[Return]ing To Poetry and something about some book...

New book I'm reading:
So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore
By Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman.
Pick it up if you're able. It's a good read. It's the fictional story of Jake Colsen and his incredible story that develops before your eyes.
It follows thirteen conversations he has with a man named only John. John comes and goes and sets out to challenge everything Jake has ever known. John has this incredible love-relationship with Father (as he calls Him). John wants to help Jake see faith, truth, joy, forgiveness, sorrow, pain, love, and community through a different set of eyes. To realign Jake's heart with what it's been missing for years.
It is compelling.
I wanted to underline almost every word that John utters throughout the dialogue.

God is moving. His Spirit can be seen. The Bride has stopped her adulterous ways long enough to begin asking questions of the life she made for herself. People are starting to ask major questions of the church. I believe the bigger point being that God is calling His people into realness. Genuineness.

Arise O Bride
Return to your rightful place
At His side.
Do you hear Him calling you home?
The most beautiful voice is His alone.
So arise
Put on your loveliest gown
Pin up your hair
Throw away that frown
Because your Groom has arrived
He has already broken the chains
Which once held you down.
What a glorious day!
He does not care what you have done
Where you have been
Or why you had left.
He only cares that you come back
Never mind what you lack
Just come fall in His lap.
Arise O Bride
And finally! return to your rightful place
At His side.

Return.

Sailing the Passion Waters

Passion.

I grew up in a very loving, Christian home.
My dad was ordained in the Reformed Church of America when I was 11. What an awesome blessing it was to become a pastor's kid at that stage in my life. I had gone through a rough period in my walk shortly before my father's graduation. It was discovered that he had a very rare form of cancer and may not survive through surgery. My dad had left a well-paying job with Ford to follow a calling to ministry and I began to question why God would allow this to happen during his last year of seminary (after all that he had left to follow God's leading).
I became bitter.
God walked us through that period, revealing His grace and love in so many ways.
My heart began to shift.
Back now to being a pastor's kid. My dad served at a small church in the Detroit, MI, area for the next 9 years. It was here that my journey with God was really about to begin.
Thrust into the position of PK was interesting.
People now expected me to be a certain way.
To act a certain way.
To dress a certain way.
To talk a certain way.
I wasn't too thrilled about this. Senior year of high school God really started to reveal Himself to me. I saw finally just how complacent I had become with church and God and my life. I was going through all the "right" motions.
I started to desire His Word. I couldn't put His book down. I had been very lazy and made some poor choices the first three years of high school, but now God was starting to become REAL to me. And everything I was reading about in His Word was contradictory to what I was seeing Sunday mornings, not to mention these strange human "expectations" that were placed on me.
I started to see that God looked at man very differently then our outward appearance -- how we dressed in "His House." I started to see the yoke (the word translated from the greek to mean burden) that "church people" had placed on its people.
This began for me a wonderful time of really seeking His heart for the church. And at the same time, a growing disliking for the church. I wanted out. I felt suffocated. I knew I was experiencing God on a real level outside of the building -- and dreaded going to Sunday morning worship because something was missing. I didn't feel God's presence there. My buddies and I began a guy's Bible study together each week. Again, I was experiencing a realness in that room with those guys that I had never experienced before in church.
Genuineness.
We would pray for each other and talk together.
It wasn't just everyone in a room facing the same direction listening to one person talk.
There was this God-dialogue.
I loved it.
I came to a place in my walk where I had to make a decision: either walk away from the church as we knew it (which I really wanted to do), or figure out if perhaps God had something to share with His church and be a tool to see restoration (a big word for me right now) come to His Bride. I decided to stick it out. And seek it out. I was growing in the faith. And in my passion for seeing the church be restored. Restored to what it was meant to be when Jesus left and built the church on the foundation of Peter and then gave freely the Holy Spirit. I started to see two very different realities: the reality of what man had made of church; and the reality of what I saw God desiring the church to be. And ever since then... I am still seeking, learning, listening, and wanting to see the church restored.
So my heart is for the church.
But more than that my heart is for Yahweh.
To know what it means to be a follower of Him and to do it within a community of other sinners like myself (for this is what the church is about).
Sinners experiencing God's grace together in life and wanting more than anything to share this life with others -- to invite them onto the trampoline (as Rob Bell would say).
I have no other aspiration in life than to love people, love God, and be a blessing. Last summer, while visiting a friend in Idaho, we were sitting around in her living room (my friend, her sister and brother, her mom and myself) talking about life. The sister went around and asked each of us: "If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?" My reply was simply this: "To love people and affect some change." I don't have any great plans for my life. I have lived a life thus far of putting my sail into the wind and letting God take it. That is how I ended up in Duluth.

My Passion.

Two.

This is the story of two. Or at least a part of the story of two. Anything left out of the story pre-dating the time period for this story should be considered important, but not to be focused upon for our purposes. This really is quite the story. Let us jump right in. We pick up the story here:

"Two began walking. Two doesn't realize at first what is happening. Two just begins walking (two already said that). Two doesn't know where two is heading. But two knows that two is not in control. Because… One is. Two takes step after step. Two follows the path laid out for two. Two sees many exciting things along the way – though not always happy with what two is seeing, everything is exciting. The path twists and bends. At times, two feels as though two has been down this road before – seen this sight before. But two keeps walking, knowing that this is all new for two. Two asks One where One is taking two? One asks two to simply keep walking and believe that One knows what One is doing. With every step, two has a choice to make: two can keep walking or turn and leave the path. It's two's choice. And with every step into the unknown, two feels more and more excited for where this path is leading two.

Along the path, two comes to various bridges marked with words telling two where two is. Every bridge means something new for two. The first bridge reads: Friendship. This bridge came very early on for two. Two likes where the path takes two after walking across Friendship Bridge. Many questions fill two's mind after crossing this first bridge. Good questions. Questions that help two figure out who two is. Two learns a lot.

The next bridge that two comes to reads: Trust. Two walks hesitantly across Trust Bridge. Two is sure that two has been here before and quite often it ended in some sort of pain for two. But two is trying to honor One's word to keep walking. Two keeps walking. Nothing bad is happening this time for two. Yes, two keeps walking! Two picks up a little speed. Two is trusting. The view along this path is absolutely beautiful – and getting more and more beautiful with each step. All the loveliest looking and smelling flowers lie near the path. Two smiles. Two slows a little to take it all in and realizes that perhaps two was rushing a bit too much. "Slow down two, no need to rush," whispers One to two.

Two approaches the next bridge. Two reads the word: Affection. At least a part of two feels a little nervous at Affection Bridge. Two feels like two's been here too. Two is careful with two's steps. Two doesn't want to mess anything up after this bridge. Two is still excited for what One is doing. Two asks One for help with where to step after this last bridge? Two could easily step off the path – looking around two sees many easy-offs. Two thinks some of them look very fun and exhilarating. But One encourages two to keep walking down the path two is on. One promises something more amazing than anything two is seeing along the path right now. Two remains careful to stay focused. Two still wants to honor One, even if some of these easy-offs do look fun.

Two has made it to the next bridge: Unlocked. Two doesn't completely understand this bridge just yet. And come to think of it, two doesn't think the bridge looks very safe to walk over. Two realizes that two must rely on trust with this bridge. Unlocked Bridge wasn't easy to cross. Two must really search deep within who two is after crossing this bridge. Two finds out some new things about two. Some things aren't real fun. But two knows two must keep walking. Two asks One for lots of help with where to go. Although two has discovered some things two didn't like, two also found out some things about two that two really liked. Really really liked! Two is doing just fine. Two keeps walking where One asks two to walk. Nice job, two! "Good thing for Trust Bridge", two thinks to twoself.

Here comes the next bridge for two to cross: Serving. Two must use what One has done already in two's walk to bless others. Not too difficult. But two still asks One for help on where and how to step after this bridge. It isn't always easy for two to look beyond twoself. But two must serve others with who two has become.

One stops two along the path and says to two, "Two, look where you have been. Look where I have taken you so far. You are doing so well. You have really grown this time, two. I am very proud of you. Keep stepping where I ask you to step and you'll continue on this marvelous little journey. I am here for you, two."

Once two begins walking again, the next bridge arrives quickly, but by no means hastily: Love. After the words of encouragement from One, two is ready for this bridge. Two recognizes Love Bridge. But this time around, two thinks it looks a little different. And with good reason. In the past, two tried to make it to this bridge before many of the others – skipping the other bridges, doing whatever two could to make it here as fast as two could. Two would succeed in making it here, but it never seemed to work out. Two had been hurt many times before on this path. But for some reason, and because of the word just spoken by One, two is not scared. Two crosses Love Bridge. The beauty surrounding two is absolutely breathtaking. Yes, things are definitely different this time around. And two is beside-twoself joyous! Two stops for a moment to whisper a "thank you," to One for bringing two this far. Two knows that two couldn't have done it without One. Two walks this path for awhile.

Finally, two is approaching the next bridge: Commitment. Two is so excited now. This is a big bridge to cross. Two can barely see across. But after seeing where two's been, and knowing that One is there beside two, two presses on and crosses the long Commitment Bridge. Two understands the meaning of this bridge – that there is no turning back. And two is excited. Ecstatic! As two makes the final steps to finish this bridge, the deepest, purest feeling of peace finds its way into two. Two is at rest in what One has done in two. Two simply smiles. What else is there for two to do? Two hears clapping and, looking around, realizes where the clapping is coming from: One. One is clapping two on. Cheering on two in all that two has done and where two has been. The clapping drowns out all else. And it makes two all the happier. Knowing that One is near.

Two is still walking. But it isn't long now. Not long before all that two has become will be, in a single, final bridge, fully made known. This final bridge needs more than a single word. One word could not fully express all that this bridge will mean for two. The bridge reads: Joining-Crescendo. Simply the thought of this bridge gives two goosebumps. In one final crossing, two becomes something new. Two will be made new, shown new. Two will even be given a new name. Two enters onto this final bridge not looking back. Everything has been pointing to this final bridge from the start. The moment… when… two… becomes one! Exhilarating! Following every other bridge two has crossed, this bridge is beyond words incredible. One looks on from where One is as One's creation, this being two, has become one. One cannot help but smile. All along, One had been planning this for two. One knew it would happen. One simply waited for the day when two let One have the pen and paper. And once that happened, there was no turning back for two, who is now one. This is the journey of two. This is the journey of two becoming one.

The End… of two

The Beginning… of one."

A (Touchy-Feely) Love Story

I am about to open a page of my journal for you to read. I have never shared anything from my journal before. This is a huge step for me.
Journal entry: 1/12/09
"Dear Papa,
Well, I am back home, to Big Rapids. The move went smoothly. The last day was a little stressful, but everything got finished that needed to be finished. It has been nice being home. Done some fun things with family -- drove to Detroit over the weekend, played some intense Wii! The girls and I have reconnected very well -- lots of joking. I've had some good talks with my parents, mostly during the drive to Detroit or to the Auto Parts Store. Mom and Dad bought a little 4x4 a couple weeks ago, which we took to Detroit during a blizzard they were having. On the drive home, we almost got lost taking some backroads, but ended up making an adventure out of it. We stumbled across some unused, snow-covered roads where the little 4x4 could be unleashed! It was incredible. Knuckles white, gripping the steering wheel with everything in me, I pushed those 4-powered tires to the max, as the road winded and dipped all about. It was so exciting -- the sorta thing this lifeless shell needed to feel.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the senses. Thinking about how much a new-born baby has to learn through their senses. Before they can talk, walk, or put together logical thoughts, they experience. They need to see, feel, hear, taste, and smell! I love watching a baby play with its tiny feet. The most simple form of experiential adventure any person ever may have. If we could ask a baby what love is -- again before they have developed logical thought and reason -- I think after perhaps staring at us for a moment, he would go back to playing with his little toes. They experience love. Tell a baby how much you "love them" and it means nothing yet to them. Hold her small body close to your own, allowing your warmth to transfer to hers, and she has been loved. Get down on the floor with her, playing with her, and she has been loved.
The greatest act of love ever recorded in all of our history books was one simple act too. And very much it was experienced. Jesus' body felt intense physical pain; the onlookers felt emotional pain (at least those close to Him); they saw the blood, the nails pounded, the Savior hanging; the smell of lingering death, blood, sweat, and salt from anguished tears; the taste of those tears rolling over the lips, then licked by the tongue; the sound of yelling Roman Soldiers, screaming and sobbing loved ones, the nails, the words coming from the very mouth of a deserted God, the thunder rolling in from the west off the nearby sea. The whole thing one big, senses-filled act of love!"
And now additional thoughts.
Jesus prayed in John 17:23, shortly before His greatest act of love: "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." And in vs. 26, "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." 1 John 3:18 says this: "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." Love needs to be experienced.
There is so much brokenness in our world. So much hurt. Fathers leaving their wives and kids to fend for themselves. He is overwhelmed with the responsibilities and running from his problems. Mothers running off to new lovers. She feels the man she married 20-years ago has stopped looking at her the same as when they spent that passionate honeymoon together.
Our churches are just as broken and hurting. An entire generation turning its collect back on being the Body of Christ. They are running after their own gods -- the gods of their minds and feelings. Those holding out inside the building have forgotten the reason they went in the first place. They are running after their gods too -- the gods of money, structure, human leadership and ability.
Jesus had this to say to the Church of Ephesus, as recorded by John in Revelation 2:1-4, "These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." How can that be? How can they have so many things right -- good deeds, testing of falsehoods, enduring hardships -- but be told you have forgotten the reason for it all? That you have forsaken and forgotten your first LOVE? Is that even possible?
And here is my question: How do we fall in love, once again, with our "first love?" We have gone off, trying ourselves with other "lovers," and He just waits. But not forever. When will we stop whoring ourselves out to other "lovers?" When will we finally come home? When will we learn to love with our senses? When will we get down on the floor with God and just experience Him -- with our eyes, ears, tongue, nose, and skin? When will we see how much He wants us and how much we need Him? When will His act of love finally break through my crusty exterior and really sink in? When will I stop typing on this keyboard and go love on some people?
Just some random thoughts...

UnconditionalHurricaneLove

1836 confirmed deaths.
705 bodies never found.
175 mph winds.
$89 billion in ytd damages.
At least 3 countries greatly affected.
Category 5 label.
Katrina.
The costliest hurricane ever recorded. The sixth strongest winds. Top 5 deadliest ever. Katrina changed the face of an entire population. Millions of people lost their homes overnight. Some of them still have not returned. To say that Katrina had power to change things is an understatement. Lives. Geographical land. Mindsets. All of it changed in a rush of water. Powerful stuff -- those hurricanes.
I was chatting today with a student over Nantucket Strawberry-Watermelon juice from JP's Coffee. We were talking about love. Real love. Not just the between-a-man-and-woman kinda real love. But just simply real, unconditional love. What is unconditional love? This question made my mind go to a passage in Romans. I could remember the exact wording and what book it was in, but it took me a long time to find exactly where it was. I found it. Romans 5:8. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I began to think about Christ's entire gospel. His purpose. What He did. What He said while He was here. I thought about the question: "Was the cross the only act of 'unconditional love' that He expressed?" Did He, by chance, live unconditional love every moment? Could this be why so many people were attracted to Him? Isaiah says that He had nothing that we would physically want. There must have been something else. Did He have a catchy personality? Was He flamboyant? Did He have this great radio voice that everyone wanted to listen to? Or did He just simply love people? To the point that everyone following Him around could just feel it coming from Him? Like the warmth you might feel from a room heater? Was His expression of life-love as influencing and powerful as a hurricane?
Hurricanes bring... Devastation. Loss. Pain. Uncertainty.
Love brings... Renewal. Restoration. Healing. Affirmation. Safety.
To compare the two is just absurd. But not if you think solely about impact. Many people would tell you that Jesus changed a lot of things. They would use words like "revolutionary." They would say He was the most important person to ever walk the earth. But why? I think maybe it was because he, in full confidence of who He was, swept in over land like Katrina. Even though we knew Katrina was coming, there was no stopping her power. Jesus we knew would come too. And not even Katrina's power could have matched the power of Jesus' unconditional love in the lives of those He walked with -- of those He is still walking with. Unconditional love might just be the only thing that can really change anything at all. Think about it. What if we all loved each other unconditionally (I know this is an idealistic idea but I am just posing the question)? What if it did not matter what she looked like? Or how he smelt? Or how she talks? What if it did not matter what he did to me? What she did to me? Would there be changing power in that? What would happen?
Every time I realize I am giving someone conditional love, eventually my mind heads back to that Romans passage. Nothing anyone has ever done to me could possibly come close to the things I have done to Him on a daily basis. And yet... and yet... He still died for me. And has given His Spirit to continue walking with me.
We make so much of love nowadays. You see the word all the time. Everywhere. We use it to describe intensely something that we like. We use it to describe two people having sex. We use it along with food-chain slogans. And exclaiming to someone: "I do not love you anymore," might just be the worst thing that person ever remembers hearing. We hear people say things like: "Why can't we all just love each other?" People go to church and leave with a "Love Wins" sticker on their bumper. I think Satan loves how much we use the word. The more meanings we attribute to it, the less we understand the real meaning. Perhaps 1 Corinthians 13 can help clear a few things up.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude.
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil.
Love rejoices with truth.
Love always protects.
Love always trusts.
Love always hopes.
Love always perseveres.
Love never fails.
If we broke down unconditional love into all of its parts, this is what we would get. This is Jesus -- in 16 acts. Replace the word "love" with Jesus and it always works perfectly. Replace the word "love" with Nat and things get bumpy really fast.
Here is another passage that comes to mind. 1 John 3:16. "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." If this laying our lives down is to really be love, there are no conditions for who "our brothers" really are. I know for me whenever I read this passage and get to those last two words, my mind immediately goes to all the people I know who I would willingly die for (and not just literally dying for, but putting aside my own wants and desires). My mind automatically categorizes out all those people who I would rather not love like this. I can think of a few right now.
Lets travel back to that original passage in Romans. Here is what the verse ahead of verse 8 says: "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die." As much as verse 8 is a reflection of Christ, so verse 7 is a reflection of me. For a person I deem good, I might lay myself aside. But Christ, in this insane unconditional-love stuff, died for man while they were doing every kind of evil thing against Him. And we call Him a "revolutionary." I say He changed a lot of things. Hmmmm....
Imagine if we sought His definition of love? Just think about the implications. We will never totally get it right. But just think if we started asking God for strength to live out those 16 definitions? What if I started asking God for this strength?
There is no doubt that the quality of love with which Jesus showed was unlike anything anyone had ever seen walking the streets of a human city. As John 1:14 reads in The Message, "The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son." Do not quickly move from those words. Read them again with your eyes. Close your eyes and picture the scene with your heart. He did not make sense. That is why it was so hard for so many people during Jesus' time to believe He was who He said He was. That is why it is still just as hard. If those who could see Him with their own eyes had trouble believing. How much more today? But... He was... simply put... the man-flesh expression of God's UnconditionalHurricaneLove.

Oh, to have UnconditionalHurricaneLove.