Walking Against the 7-Grain Bread.

Grain.
I carved a boat today.
Took me five hours.
First 3-dimensional object I've carved.
It was relaxing. Encouraged me to get outside. Breathe some fresh air. Use my hands.
Cut my finger really badly though.
That hurt.
I was sitting down by Lake Superior, on a rock jutting out into the water when my hand slipped and the blade sliced through my flesh like butter.
One of those learning curves. Whatever that means.

Have you ever carved wood before? Or chopped wood? Have you ever seen the lines running through a piece of wood? Grain. It is where we get our cliche: "Going against the grain." You would not understand that cliche unless you've ever worked with wood before. Don't try it. Do not go against the grain. Bad things happen. Like cutting off your finger. Or worse... wood fray!

I was thinking about grain today. This was after I ate my 7-grain bread this morning. But my thoughts had nothing to do with my breakfast. I was thinking about how Jesus went against the grain of the culture He had been born into. Everyone was walking in this one direction. They were all running after godliness by their own power. Man, if I do good and pretend to follow this law then I'm set for heaven. Bring on the pearlys! Everyone was trying to make it on their own, thinking they were honoring God. Then Jesus comes and starts walking the other direction. I'm sure at very first people did not take much notice. The dude probably just dropped his wallet back there and wants to find it. Quick, whoever finds this dudes wallet before He does gets a free goat! But it did not take long for this "other direction" to get people's attention. This was completely different. You mean, this guy, Jesus, is actually walking... the other way?! WHOA! "Hey hey, Jesus, you know man, you're walking in the wrong direction buddy! It is this way to God, man!" But Jesus was God-man so He paid no attention. Jesus wanted to show people the perfect way to the Father.
All throughout the history before Jesus' time, God kept showing people who He was. He kept wanting them to see how totally awesome and beyond understanding He was. He wanted to talk to them. But they were too busy building towers reaching to the sky, walls wider than Shaq's feet, and seemed obsessed with swords. But God had meant for them to live IN Him. To draw everything they were from Him. And so to get the message across, once and for all, He inacts the plan He had been making since before the world even came into being ("being" is a big fancy word meaning: God spoke and then there was...). Jesus. His Son. Man's son. "The Word became flesh and moved into the neighborhood." God intrudes. And has a little something-something to say. "All these things you're doing will not save you. I do not care about them. I just want you to know me. To know that it was I who created you. I breathed into your very lungs and gave you My breath. It was I who chose Abraham to father all of you -- and in a way you don't even understand. It was I who spoke with Moses and gave all these laws. Because I wanted you to see that you could not do it without Me. And so I AM here." So Jesus came both in fullness God and fullness man (do not just simply read over the word "fullness," think about what that is saying), to point people in the direction they were supposed to be walking in before. They just didn't know that. And apparently they liked the direction they were walking in (if only they understood that if they turned around, the other side of their face would get a little Son too!).
It's hard carving against the grain. And apparently hard walking against the grain too. But Jesus calls us to follow Him. In the direction He's walking. And that means we must walk against the grain of those around us. It will be hard. Maybe it already has been for you. You constantly have to be watching where you're walking -- where He's walking. Bumping into people is unavoidable. Just a word to that though: Jesus loves it that way! Because you have their attention at that moment and you can tell them why you just bumped into them. And it means that with each step you and those you were walking with before are getting further and further apart. And that may be the hardest part for some people. Having to walk away from those closest -- to follow Jesus, to have fullness of life (there is that word again). There is a cost. For some people, that may just mean losing your finger. But Jesus commands that you follow Him against the grain of the world. He wants to have you as His companion along the journey. He'd even die for that possibility.
Sometimes in wood-carving, it is enivitable that you must work against the grain. And you must. Through the cutting off of fingers and wood fraying. When it is finished, something beautiful appears. God had a similar result. ONLY A GAZILLION TIMES MORE BEAUTIFUL: YOU!
Isn't it fitting that Jesus was most likely a carpenter? I wonder if He had trouble carving against the grain?

Jesus Built Relationships. Not Buildings.

What comes to mind when you think of the word: "Church?"
What emotions does it stir?
Joy? Happiness? Frustration? Sadness? Nothing?
What ideals do you associate with the word?
Friendship? Social gathering place? Safety? Singing songs with Larry? Long-winded messages? Hypocrisy? Judgment? Money-hungry leaders? A "better-than-you" pastor?
What does scripture say about it?

We need to know what we mean when we announce to somebody that we "go to church." Because the world is watching. All eyes are on us. If this were not true, "Christianity" wouldn't be a favorite subject of late-night satire. And politicians wouldn't attempt to make us think they were one of "us."
The church is used, abused, manipulated, and dying. It doesn't know who it is. And has unknowingly forgotten on whom she was founded. In many cases, it is a dying organism. Suffocated by traditions, organization, plans, multi-million dollar buildings, entertainment, comedic personalities, guilt trips, statistics, and complacent populations.

The church as a reality of life has been lost. But not forgotten. We have the Word of God. And contained within those pages are snippets of what it can be and was meant to be: a life together lived in relationship to Christ.

I am being pushed. I have been so focused the last 5 years on frustrations with the church and trying to understand what it is, that I made an idol of the church. Without even trying. I only saw two angles. A right way and a wrong way. And I feel I missed out on The Way. I had good intentions. But not God intentions. He wants a relationship with me. With you. First and foremost. That is what He is about. Jesus came to show us the way to the Father. To show us how to be in relationship with Him. He was so about relationships. Jesus would not have affixed Himself to one group of people meeting in a brick building. Jesus built relationships. Not buildings. Jesus didn't establish regular meeting times. He wandered. He met. He talked. He listened. He loved. He healed. He prayed. He slept. He ate. He pooped. Jesus didn't wake up Sunday mornings, dreading sitting through another service. He didn't raise His hands in worship because everyone around Him was doing so. Jesus didn't set aside exactly 10% of His earnings from His carpentry business for a local congregation. He talked about life. Real life. Full life. Jesus was honest. Really honest. He had this unabashed love-affair with His Father. And all He wanted was to honor Him and glorify Him. His very life flowed from His Father like water from a faucet. Jesus came to show us the way. He was The Way. And church is about living His way right next to Him.

If you're reading this. If you "go to church." If you grew up "in church." Please take some time to really understand what the church was... and is. By calling yourself a Christian, you are fully throwing your lot in with His. Make sure you know what that means. I am trying to do the same.

In Christ,
Nat

[Return]ing To Poetry and something about some book...

New book I'm reading:
So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore
By Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman.
Pick it up if you're able. It's a good read. It's the fictional story of Jake Colsen and his incredible story that develops before your eyes.
It follows thirteen conversations he has with a man named only John. John comes and goes and sets out to challenge everything Jake has ever known. John has this incredible love-relationship with Father (as he calls Him). John wants to help Jake see faith, truth, joy, forgiveness, sorrow, pain, love, and community through a different set of eyes. To realign Jake's heart with what it's been missing for years.
It is compelling.
I wanted to underline almost every word that John utters throughout the dialogue.

God is moving. His Spirit can be seen. The Bride has stopped her adulterous ways long enough to begin asking questions of the life she made for herself. People are starting to ask major questions of the church. I believe the bigger point being that God is calling His people into realness. Genuineness.

Arise O Bride
Return to your rightful place
At His side.
Do you hear Him calling you home?
The most beautiful voice is His alone.
So arise
Put on your loveliest gown
Pin up your hair
Throw away that frown
Because your Groom has arrived
He has already broken the chains
Which once held you down.
What a glorious day!
He does not care what you have done
Where you have been
Or why you had left.
He only cares that you come back
Never mind what you lack
Just come fall in His lap.
Arise O Bride
And finally! return to your rightful place
At His side.

Return.

I Saw God Today. Observations From My Walk.

Not sure what time it is.
Judging by position of sun in the sky, somewhere close to 4pm.
Sitting on a green bench down by the pier out to Lake Superior. Sitting in the shadow of the Canal Park lift bridge, to my right 100 yards. This is where man belongs. Outside. Seagulls fly around my head. This is their home. On my walk from Rose Garden to Canal Park, I observed many a beautiful thing. Not too long ago, I would have seen these things. And kept going about my merry little life.
This time I noticed them.
My observations:

God Takes Care of Seagulls.
Walking towards the pier, a young girl of maybe 8-years old, still so much in innocence and in awe of everything simple, stood in a field of grass throwing bread crumbs to the seagulls who surrounded her in numbers not easily counted. She giggled and looked excitedly at her mom -- who was preoccupied with something in their car. The seagulls swooned about and spoke to her. In their own way thanking her for the food. As I sit here thinking of the girl with the seagulls, my mind wanders to Your Word where You spoke about even the sparrows having their needs met. The young girl was meeting a need of the seagulls while also feeding her own wonder. You take care of us just like the girl and the seagulls -- standing in the midst of us with a bag of bread crumbs enough for all of us, food which does more than satisfy hunger. You take care of us. In simple ways. In ways not under our control. And you take joy in doing so. You stand there in amazement of Your creation. And (I have to believe) You even let out a little harmonious laugh as You wonder over the simple pleasure of the food which you offer. Well, I say thank You! It's yummy.

Water-Locked Rocks.
I also observed on my walk some rocks just off shore. Probably 20 of them. Large. Separated from the shoreline. Sticking up just enough to be above the water line when waters are calm. But the waters were not calm today. As I watched, waves were crashing against the little patch of rocks. CRASH CRASH CRASH!!! The rocks found themselves surrounded and alone. The water would roll in fast and smack the rocks, shooting upward and falling all over the rocks. If rocks needed oxygen they would barely have enough time to catch their next breath before the subsequent wave arrived. As I thought through this scene, I let my mind wander to those times in my life when I was one of those rocks, with waves crashing against me, making it hard to breathe and stay above the suffocating waters. The waters of life and events which seem to pick up from nowhere like a westward wind off the lake. Things out of our control. All we can do is sit there and take it. CRASH CRASH CRASH!!! Sitting separated from my shoreline. Exposed. We get pounded sometimes. But You showed in Your Word that You have power even over the wind and waves. The rocks that I observed never budged. They never moved from their place. They stood their ground. This is what You can help us do when we're one of those rocks. How refreshing even the nastiest wave can be.

A Bee Resting on a Wall.
I also observed, while walking back from the pier to this bench that I now sit on, a bee sitting on the cement pier wall. It was strange. Bees don't just sit there. They fly. They always seem to be moving. And if you see them sitting on anything, it's a flower. But a cement wall? Good luck trying to pollinate that, buddy! Moments before I had seen the little bee, a Vista Star Fleet tour boat crossed our path, having just passed under a risen lift bridge and heading out into the depths of Lake Superior. I don't know what the bee was thinking, but he sure seemed to be watching the ship pass. And why not? The bee was tired, having fought a day of Northern Minnesota wind. He needed a resting place. To breathe. He seemed completely unfazed by my presence. Think about how small he is compared with us and the world-mindset we live in. It is humbling to note that in comparison we are not so much bigger in the world that we live. We just tend to think we are.
Sometimes we get tired. We need a resting place. And something to delight our two eyes (imagine having 5 eyes like the bee). God, You are like that scene. A wall to rest upon when the trials of moving about in the wind gets to be too much. And You want to delight our eyes every moment. With something way bigger than we are. Maybe a tour boat. Maybe a budding tree. Maybe a flower garden. Or a mountain range in a foggy distance. Or maybe some rocks getting hammered by waves. Or a little girl throwing bread crumbs to the birds. To remind us -- just how small we really are. And show us how flippin HUGE You are.

(Journal entry today while taking a walk along the lakewalk. The observations made. The little things noted. Trying to see things through different eyes. Trying to never get complacent with things even as small as a bee sitting on a pier cement wall.)

Perhaps One Day They'll Call This: Volleism!

(A message written to a friend in response to a question asked)

Dear Friend,

I hope to not add more confusion into the boiling pot of thoughts and opinions you're working through. I hope to simply offer what I have learned and read from the truth of the Scriptures. And I pray that the Holy Spirit might be taking over these fingers.

What a wonderful thing to wrestle with! I am really encouraged to see others struggle through this topic -- predestination and free-will. I find it intriguing when people talk about the idea of predestination and use the term: Calvinism. I have read what Calvin wrote about "the elect." He would have lovingly sat down with someone nowadays who calls themselves a Calvinist and directed them to the point. See, readers of Calvinism -- or Neo-Calvinists -- are really the leaders of this "Calvinism" group who so strongly talk about predestination. It makes me laugh and also sad. Calvin himself did not know. He simply was asking questions. One cannot deny the existence of terms like: "the elect" and "predestination" or "those who the Father gave me" in the Bible. They are there and so we must not shove them aside so quickly. So Calvin set out to begin the discussion.

My first question is this: Is God Omni-potent enough? That is a silly question. What many people within the Predestination vs. Free-will debate don't realize is that the real question is this: who is God and is He strong enough, smart enough, or good enough to be: whatever I am arguing for. I believe that God is all-powerful, all-present, and the Lord of all. There is nothing less that I can attribute to the creator of the universe. I believe that God has the power to affect the realm of free-will: just read the first 10 chapters of Exodus to see how God "hardened Pharaoh's heart." Over and over again God affects. And He is Lord of all things: Colossians 1:15-20. If God wants something to happen, He will make it happen. And because He is good (and hasn't read our dictionary to find out our definition of what it means to be good), His plan is always perfect. Who am I to say that God simply sits back and lets things happen? God is not a God of chaos (I believe there is a verse regarding this). And I'm sure you've heard many times the verse in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I know you've heard this passage before (sometimes we hear it too often, but without the proper context), but go back and read the entire context of what God is saying and to whom and why. All throughout the scriptures I believe God is trying to get something across -- from Genesis to Revelation -- God has a plan and purpose. And I think Revelation is a great book to speak to the point of God having a plan, as the entire book is about God sharing His plan with His people. To give hope. His power in plans and purposes gives a source to the hope that we have. Jesus was a plan. Salvation was a plan. In the words of Joker in Dark Knight: "It's all part of the plan."

I do not quite agree with what this pastor-friend said. At least from what I understood you say -- "God may or may not have a sovereign plan for our lives, but we should live as if he doesn't." If we were to live as if God didn't have a plan or purpose, then we are denying the pure existence of God -- for that is part of His essence. Man has always struggled understanding God. The Israelites over and over forget that God had a plan and purpose for their little excursion through the desert. I have often questioned God's plan. When my dad was diagnosed with possible terminal cancer, I questioned God's plan. We have to wrestle with these things. We have to ask questions -- and that is why I am so thrilled that you're struggling with this. When we question, even God, answers begin to come in many different ways, and over the course of our lives.

As far as Acts 16 is concerned, it is this beautiful story of this struggle. Man -- Paul and his companions -- wanted and felt "called" to Asia, to preach the Good News there. A noble charge indeed. God should be thrilled that they want so badly to preach His message there. But God had other plans. He had a place for them where the gospel was to be preached and heard. I believe this history story is in a perfect place in the book of Acts, because the writer is reminding the readers that this movement of the gospel did not come by human power or will, but by God's power and will. God has a plan. Again, Jesus was a plan. The Cross a plan. Even Jesus, God in human flesh, carried out a plan. Saying over and over again that He was doing what the Father told Him to do. A few times when He heals someone, He tells them not to say anything to anyone. Why? Because He knew that the Jews wanted to make Him their earthly, conquering king and that wasn't part of the plan. So He would tell these people who had seen His power to not say anything. His time had not come yet. Jesus shows us how to live in relationship to God. And Jesus life was one of obedience to the Father. And this I believe, is how God intends for all of us to live -- to live obedient to the Father. To pray and seek His will. To die to ourselves and our "plan" and to fill up in ourselves God's plan. Because, over and over again God affects. And God is good.

I hope this was of some help. Keep praying and asking God to give you wisdom on the matter. And keep searching the scriptures.

In Christ,
Nat

Holy Fervor: Men.

Men.
Created first.
First to walk with God.
First to be given responsibility.
First to be silent.
I just watched a video by Pastor Mark Driscoll. It deals with the responsibility God expects from His men. Mark looks at two typical kinds of men. Two kinds of men God never intended.
God alone gives definition. And today -- right now -- men need to revisit God's definition for man. Pastor Mark explores this topic with fervor (a really smart sounding word meaning passion). He tells it like it is. And offers a glimpse into what God expects and how God reacts when men are idiots.
And we are.
I am.
This message caught hold of me. God's Spirit caught hold of me through this message.
Please -- whether you are a man, woman, married, engaged, dating, or single -- sit down at your computer and watch the entirety of this video.
You will not leave the same.
I promise.
Or I'll owe you a cup of coffee.

Here is the link:
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/trial/marriage-and-men

I pray that God uses this in big ways. Thanks Scott for showing it to me.
Please, let me know if you have any thoughts.
Welcome. To the conversation.

Beginning.Questions.

Read Genesis 1-3.
Why did the serpent (Satan) direct his attention to Eve first?

And why didn't Adam speak up when he needed to? Why is it said of him simply: "Who was with her?" Why didn't he say/do something?

And what about the curses? Why did God curse them the way He did?
Was there a deeper meaning behind the curses?

Spewing Coffee from France

Sitting here in the back pew at Alliance Community Church.
Exhausted.
Two meetings this morning and afternoon with ministry people from the campus of UMD. Trying to establish some contacts in the area.
But tired.
Very tired.
What does it mean to be a disciple of Christ? In our time? In our culture?
The world is so fast moving and broad. So many different searches for "truth." New waves of communication are creating less and less connected people. Even what I am doing right now would fall under this category. Comfortably sitting in a church pew in a city some of you probably have never heard of.
Duluth.
And I can communicate with you by simply moving my fingers over just the right letters, in just the right sequence.
But are we connected?
Do we know each other?
Are we having a conversation?
Not really.
What has happened between the Garden of Eden and the year 2009?
Where is all this modern day technology getting us?
Are we better for it?
I don't know. I don't think so.
But that is just me.
It is cool how we can stay in contact (somewhat) no matter where we are in the world. That part is cool. I could be sitting in a coffee shop in France for all you know (except for the fact that I already told you I was in Duluth).
But I am just spewing my thoughts right now.
I am still tired.
Maybe I will go take a nap.
Later.

Sailing the Passion Waters

Passion.

I grew up in a very loving, Christian home.
My dad was ordained in the Reformed Church of America when I was 11. What an awesome blessing it was to become a pastor's kid at that stage in my life. I had gone through a rough period in my walk shortly before my father's graduation. It was discovered that he had a very rare form of cancer and may not survive through surgery. My dad had left a well-paying job with Ford to follow a calling to ministry and I began to question why God would allow this to happen during his last year of seminary (after all that he had left to follow God's leading).
I became bitter.
God walked us through that period, revealing His grace and love in so many ways.
My heart began to shift.
Back now to being a pastor's kid. My dad served at a small church in the Detroit, MI, area for the next 9 years. It was here that my journey with God was really about to begin.
Thrust into the position of PK was interesting.
People now expected me to be a certain way.
To act a certain way.
To dress a certain way.
To talk a certain way.
I wasn't too thrilled about this. Senior year of high school God really started to reveal Himself to me. I saw finally just how complacent I had become with church and God and my life. I was going through all the "right" motions.
I started to desire His Word. I couldn't put His book down. I had been very lazy and made some poor choices the first three years of high school, but now God was starting to become REAL to me. And everything I was reading about in His Word was contradictory to what I was seeing Sunday mornings, not to mention these strange human "expectations" that were placed on me.
I started to see that God looked at man very differently then our outward appearance -- how we dressed in "His House." I started to see the yoke (the word translated from the greek to mean burden) that "church people" had placed on its people.
This began for me a wonderful time of really seeking His heart for the church. And at the same time, a growing disliking for the church. I wanted out. I felt suffocated. I knew I was experiencing God on a real level outside of the building -- and dreaded going to Sunday morning worship because something was missing. I didn't feel God's presence there. My buddies and I began a guy's Bible study together each week. Again, I was experiencing a realness in that room with those guys that I had never experienced before in church.
Genuineness.
We would pray for each other and talk together.
It wasn't just everyone in a room facing the same direction listening to one person talk.
There was this God-dialogue.
I loved it.
I came to a place in my walk where I had to make a decision: either walk away from the church as we knew it (which I really wanted to do), or figure out if perhaps God had something to share with His church and be a tool to see restoration (a big word for me right now) come to His Bride. I decided to stick it out. And seek it out. I was growing in the faith. And in my passion for seeing the church be restored. Restored to what it was meant to be when Jesus left and built the church on the foundation of Peter and then gave freely the Holy Spirit. I started to see two very different realities: the reality of what man had made of church; and the reality of what I saw God desiring the church to be. And ever since then... I am still seeking, learning, listening, and wanting to see the church restored.
So my heart is for the church.
But more than that my heart is for Yahweh.
To know what it means to be a follower of Him and to do it within a community of other sinners like myself (for this is what the church is about).
Sinners experiencing God's grace together in life and wanting more than anything to share this life with others -- to invite them onto the trampoline (as Rob Bell would say).
I have no other aspiration in life than to love people, love God, and be a blessing. Last summer, while visiting a friend in Idaho, we were sitting around in her living room (my friend, her sister and brother, her mom and myself) talking about life. The sister went around and asked each of us: "If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?" My reply was simply this: "To love people and affect some change." I don't have any great plans for my life. I have lived a life thus far of putting my sail into the wind and letting God take it. That is how I ended up in Duluth.

My Passion.

Interwoven Mysteries.Proclamations.Ramblings.Surrender.

A time is coming, and has now come.
When the people of the church must, as one, stand up from their pews and chairs.
Walk out of their meeting places and start being the people of God.
Not running or hiding from the Holy Spirit.
But welcoming Him and doing His work.
A time is coming, and has now come.
When the people of the church must return to God their Savior.
Knees bent in adoration.
Voices singing the praises of God with heartful-realness.
A time is coming, and has now come.
When the people of the church must begin praying and asking God for power and strength.
To understand what it means to surrender.

It's afternoon now. I read 12 chapters in Acts this morning. Incredible movement. Interwoven persecution, peace, praise. Resistance. Surrender. Holy Spirit. Worthy of disgrace.

I took my first shower in the bus today.
I began by putting 12 gallons of water into the tank just to make sure there would be enough. Shower took all of 3 minutes. Used quarter of the tank. Afterward, I resolved to finally attempt fixing the refrigerator. Used Pastor Mike's drill. Placing hinge in a block of wood, I drill the two holes. It works. So far it is holding. Success. Working with hands. See a problem and resolve and fix. Feels good. Yesterday, I learned how to use drywall anchors. You begin by drilling small hole to check for stud. If no stud exists, proceed by drilling larger hole, just smaller than the shaft of the anchor. Hammer in shaft and screw in screw. Felt good. Learning by experience. Making mistakes.

Learning what Jesus meant by "take up your cross daily and follow me." Each and every morning is a fresh start -- a new chance to honor or hurt Yahweh-Savior.
Every morning, afternoon, evening is a decision to change the course of your life.
Cannot make the right decision without God's help.
Romans 7.
Need to surrender every day to Christ's power and work. Failure to do this results in guilt. Pain. Doubts. Pride. Selfishness. Boastfulness. God-dishonoring behavior. Every moment we either pull the trigger to our old-self or succumb to its puppy-dog eyes. But this puppy has a nasty, deadly bite.
Bad dog.

Life is returning to this lifeless body. "Though I was once dead in my sin, I am now made alive in Christ through His sacrifice once for all on the cross." Reading through Acts this morning, I was struck by how whenever an apostle would give testimony to the gospel of Christ -- everything He was and did -- they all began with stories from the old testament. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David, etc. Drawing the bigger picture of everything God did and was doing in their own time. The story of faith did not begin when Jesus walked the earth, but began "in the beginning." "For from the beginning all things were created by Him and for Him."
Colossians 1:15-23.
Leaving now. Needing to step outside and feel the sun.

This is an entry from my journal today. Thought I would share what was written. Thanks for reading.