Play-Doh: Modeling Compound

Something is off. I don't know what it is. For the past few days, something has not been right. I have not been right. This is partly why I have not written lately. So do not think that my mind has been quiet. It never quiets. Not anymore.
The next time you are at the store, walk over to the kid's toys section and find where the play-doh is sold. Grab a container. Read the front label. Play-Doh: Modeling Compound.
This past weekend was incredible. JUMP Retreat 08 at Camp Geneva with my Middle Schoolers (Fuse students). The speaker brought the truth of the gospel home to the student's ears. And in our small group time, amazing things took place. I had used the example of play-doh throughout the weekend to describe how Christ made us to be. Moldable. Moveable. Shapable. Soft. Able to look like the hands handling us. I even found some play-doh from a couple years ago that began to crystallize over. This was the example of living outside of God's intent for us. When we do not allow ourselves to be molded by the Creator, we just get hard and gross. And it is not an easy thing to become soft and moldable again. God designed us to be shapable. So that we could be continually transformed into His image. Oh what a beautiful image. The God who was, and is, and is to come created a being in His image.
Play-doh was designed to be shaped.
Somewhere along the way, we all gave up our play-dohishness.
In search of our own image, we have all become like dried out play-doh.
You and I were worthy of being thrown out.
Christ came to restore the dried out play-doh.
He came to restore His image into us.
And yet, we still run in search of our own image. We find other things to categorize us. All we want. All we desire. Is to find something bigger-than-ourselves to categorize us. We need to be found in something. And since God is no golden calf, we put ourselves in the hands of everything else but God-Creator. Problems arise. Unsatisfaction takes hold. Where JOY in God-Creator once existed. Now BITTERNESS remains. Where PEACE once stood. Now ANGER resides. Where LOVE was given. Now SELFISHNESS is all that is left. What once was created GOOD. Cannot escape being BAD. And HARD. And GROSS.
Two examples of things existing outside of their purpose: hard play-doh and sinful man.
Here is hope.
"It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately--at the end of the ages--become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God. Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God's living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself!"
"They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you're named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls."
What kind of play-doh are you?
What kind do you want to be?
If I am honest with myself. Lately I have been the hard, gross kind.
The words set free are stuck like bad plumbing in my mind right now. These words strum a cord on the guitar that is my heart. This dry chunk of play-doh just wants to be soft again. Oh to be soft again.
Play-Doh: Modeling Compound.

You Ate What You Are...Rrrrrrrrrr

Have you ever heard the phrase: "You are what you eat?" This phrase always confused me. I would watch people eat at restaurants and NOTHING ever happened to them. No great transformation would take place before my eyes. They just did not change into their food. They were people. They were eating food. "Maybe it takes some time to effect a person," I would think to myself.
If you stop and think about it, doesn't the opposite actually happen? For example, a really plump, juicy cheeseburger (with extra cheese -- STOP it Nat, you're making yourself hungry) seemed so much like happy food that the noises coming from the bathroom stalls shortly afterward never seemed to match up with the phrase. That burger was good. The results were not so pretty. Hmmmmmm...(I'm just gonna go grab a cheeseburger while I think on this some more... be back soon).
Before I go any further, I should probably tell you that this post has nothing to do with any weight loss programs. I am not trying to sell anything. I don't intend to make you feel bad about the extra large slice of cheesecake nestled sweetly (no direct pun intended) between your thumb and fingers. I see it. Don't panic. I won't tell anyone. Except for maybe your health care physician. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just a big kidder. Ok... back to the topic at hand.
Switching gears a little (don't worry, I will bring the cheeseburger... uhhh, I mean phrase back into this post). An interesting thing happened tonight. I was sitting at this very computer, listening to one of my favorite bands -- Relient K, when my phone rings. It turns out to be my buddy Steve. He explains that this is short notice, but he wants to invite me to a guy's worship time on the Hope Campus... happening basically right now. To understand why this matters, earlier today I was recounting to my friend Paul some of the feelings that I have been struggling with over the course of the summer and on into the school year. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness gripped my heart this summer and refuses to totally let go. And I told Paul how I needed to find a place where I can feel safe and be accepted and where I can be poured into, as well as pour into others. That was just this afternoon. Today. Like... a few hours before this phone call. Keep up with me... so I told Steve that I would appreciate going along.
So fast-forward to arriving at Durfee Hall, on Hope's Campus. I settled into my big comfy couch, wedged nicely between two strange guys. Name introductions begin the night off. Fourteen guys. Five couches. Two beanbags. One room. Not having to wear a funky nametag: priceless. The conversation gets rolling. Good stuff. Healings. Struggles. Last minute Jesus-embraces. Prayer breaks out thanks to the Spirit's leading in my friend Steve. And KAABLAAAAM! That is fun to type, just so you know. Thoughts in my head wander to our phrase: "You are what you eat." No, I wasn't thinking about food. At least not up until that point. A conviction began to well up inside me, like the water pressure becoming too great for a dam to hold back its fierce power. I am listening to these guys -- men, real men -- just praising God and acknowledging His Power to do anything He wants. Even using a nothing person to heal (yes, like a physical healing of somebody's body). My soul was reaching out. Trying to find itself at the same place these men around me are at. But my mind and heart and soul, which we are commanded to love the Lord our God with all of, have been eating all the wrong food lately. We're not talking Fudge Rolls, Pizza, or Salad with lots of Ranch dressing. I am talking about selfishness, negativity, anger, worry, and conceitedness. But mostly selfishness. And as a result, my relationship with the Creator of everything we see has been pooping out some nasty things. I have not been myself. I have not been focused on the right thing: GOD, YAHWEH, LORD, HEALER, SAVIOR, CREATOR! I have not been drawing my food from Him, the Source of Life. I have not been living a life of praise. I have been so self-centered that I could barely remember how to praise tonight.
So now I want to remember how to praise. I want to live my life as a song to the Lord. I want to honor Him with all that I do, fully aware of my inability to live up to this. And that is part of what I was reminded of tonight. "Hey, Nat, you are not perfect. Stop trying to act like you are too worthy of a person to be going through what you're going through." Because the fact is: I am a mess up. And that is what God is going to use way more than the self-righteous Pharisee I had become. God uses screw ups. Jesus came to heal the sick (Matthew 9). Let's just face it: If you are not sick, you do not need a doctor. There is no point in spending the copay if something is not a little off. But I have been sick. I have become what I have been eating: JUNK!
I need to begin a diet shift. I need to sit myself down at the table of the Lord.
Papa, I need your food. I need to live out life-praise to you! I need to see. I need to focus on you. Help me to focus on you alone. May the odor of my heart-life be pleasing to you, an aroma to delight your senses. Goodnight, Papa.
Goodnight everyone.

Hole.

Hole.

I see you there.

What do I care.

I have tried.

Too many times.

Too many shapes.

Too many sizes.

To fill you up.

To close you in.

But nothing ever seems to fit.

Yet still I grab.

For more and more.

For things that never ever.

Could endure.

They come and go.

They push and pull.

All trying to fill my hole.

Boys.

Girls.

Dolls.

Cars.

Fantasies.

Friends.

Food.

Theology.

Relativism.

Lusts.

Money.

Music.

Clothes.

Plastic.

Self.

All have left me empty.

With nothing but a scar.

Still they try.

Again and again.

To come back.

And help a "friend."

But I am done.

I want no more.

I am finished.

Walking out the door.

Here He comes.

He is almost near.

Barely I can hear.

The sound of One whispering.

In my ear.

"I have come.

Simply.

To be.

The puzzle piece.

That you seek.

Stop trying other things.

And you will quickly see.

That I.

Yes, it is Me.

Only I fit perfectly."

Healing.

You say that you're hurting
You say that you're breaking
But where have you turned
For the healing?

I know of One
A great Doctor of curing
One who only treats those
Who are ailing.

His card, it is reading
"I am the One
Who endured the beating,
So your pain would be fleeting."

If you come kneeling
With your heart bleeding
He will begin
The remedying.

He does this first
By forgiving
Then he begins
The repairing.

Piece by piece
He is beginning
To mend
What you have been feeling.

Now that you are knowing
Now that you have come reeling
He promises to live with you
In the never-ending.

Welcome to the healing.

"Dirty-Mouthed" Squirrel and His Nuts...

What a beautiful day! I couldn't believe it. It was actually too warm to wear even a long-sleeve shirt. Since it was so nice, I decided to get out of the office. I didn't even go in until right now. I met with some people this morning at the local coffee shop, JP's. I spent some "Couch Time With God," reading in Ecclesiastes and Mark.
It was nice to just sit and be quiet. I am learning a new appreciation for quietness. I turn my stereo off in the car when I drive, so that I can spend that time trying to talk with my Savior. I don't open Windows Media Player on my office computer right away anymore when I arrive, although I do have some Andy Hunter playing right now. I am learning to take advantage of the quietness. And I have found that in the quietness, I can actually FOCUS. Sometimes when we are surrounded by noise and other senses-stimulating activities it can be hard to listen or see a God who most times chooses less senses-stimulating ways to arouse us or communicate with us. We then complain about not hearing Him or seeing Him the way we like or know. When, in truth, it is our own doing -- we drowned Him out. Oh, how often this happens!
On this gorgeous day, I went for a walk. I walked around Hope College and the surrounding downtown Holland area. This is always a time of refreshment for me. A time for movement of my limbs. A chance for my skin to feel wind gently moving by. It was from my walk today that I draw the inspiration for this writing...
Although I have seen them numerous times before, I noticed the squirrels today a little more than usual. This weekend could very well be the last "nice" weekend we have before the cold breaks. And the squirrels... seemed to know what was up (smart little furry creatures). They were everywhere. They seemed frantic. Moving. Running. Sniffing. Collecting. I have never seen such fast-paced work before in my life, not even from humans. Most of the squirrels refused to acknowledge my existence. Except for one little guy (or girl I suppose...I admit I did not check) who threw his entire body over a hole in the tree where, presumably, he had stored up for himself a nut-harvest quite plentiful. He took one long look at me and began uttering an array of inappropriate "squirrel lingo" as I approached. Apparently, I looked hungry. If only we could have sat and chatted things out. I would have told him that tree nuts do not sit right with my digestive system (it does all kinds of "squirrely" things). But he was adamant that I just keep walking by.
Seeing those little fur-balls work as they did, I've had all kinds of thoughts running through my head tonight. Crazy thoughts. Random thoughts. One of these such thoughts brought me to the passage in Matthew 6:19-21, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." What does it mean to store up treasure on earth? What does it mean to store up treasure in Heaven? Read Matthew 5:1-2 for the context of this passage and then jump over to chapter 6:19-24. Look at what Jesus is teaching the people. He is answering a question that perhaps they did not even realize they needed to know the answer to: What really matters?
All the squirrels have ever known is survival. It is how God wired them. They know when the season is about to change. How difficult it will be for finding food. So they work their fluffy little tails off to store up a food pantry for the winter. A survival kit. They shift into 6th gear and vrooooooom! they are off. Nothing else seems to matter. They are driven. They are intense. They are trying to survive.
Imagine that every grocery store in the country closed their doors from November 1st till March 1st. The store's reason for this is that it is not safe for transporting food products in the snowy conditions. The shelves are cleared. The doors boarded up. What do you think would happen? Can you picture the video shot, captured by store cameras, as it airs on the NBC 10 o'clock news of what stores were like on October 31st? Do you think people might be a little panicky? What if we felt the same urgency with the message of the Kingdom of God? What if we worked so intensely for storing up treasures in Heaven? What if I began to really see the harvest as being plentiful, as Jesus said it was? And what if the urgency I felt made my life's mission those around me who live in the darkness of the world, separated from the grace and truth of God. My Papa.
This brings me to the next point: How far away from their home do you think the squirrels travel to find their nuts? I do not claim to be any kind of squirrely person (uh...I mean squirrel expert), but I bet the squirrels do not have a very large traveling radius. They stay close to where they know. They just have to be intentional where they are at. And our radius isn't that large either. We should not have to look very far to see the people around us that still need to know. We just need to be intentional. We are not called to worry about food for the winter. We are called to be disciples of Jesus Christ. We are called to be witnesses of God's realness. His activeness in this world. God is calling all the hungry. He is calling us out to feed the world. And I am not talking about physically, although this is one part of the calling. But God is calling us to be feeders of the greatest message of all time: "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life" -John 3:16 and "He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness, by his wounds you have been healed" -1 Peter 2:24. Food for the soul. The nuts and bolts of why Christ came.

A Man's (Cold) Story: The Underside of a Pillow

I want to tell you a little story. This is a story about a man. Now this man has seen many things happen in his life. Many changes have occurred. During this man's high school years, he had grown very close to God. He fell in love with God's Word. He wanted to read it. He wanted to understand God better and knew that the only way he could was to read more of God's Word. He understood that on every page, within every sentence, every word, God was making Himself known. This man began to see God's personality beautifully displayed on the pages. And he felt closer to God than ever before. He was learning. He was seeing. He was feeling. He was not without his difficult moments. He had his ups and downs. But these only served to drive him more to reading the Word. He read pages every day that filled him with hope and wonder and strength for the day. He pushed himself to read the Word cover-to-cover over a period of a year and a half. He needed to know what it said. He knew that there was more to life than what he saw everyday.
This man had many amazing things happen to him. He got involved in a coffee house ministry near his home where he met incredible people. These people had so many stories to tell. They were so honest. Real. They pushed the man to want to know more. They asked him tough questions about God and faith. He needed to know more. He continued to read. To learn. To study. To understand. The words on the pages became life within the man.
One summer, the man goes away to work with kids. The kids were so alive. They had so many great things to say and questions to ask. Dull moments were hard to find. Although he was physically exhausted each day, he found rest in continuing his reading. The God who had been revealed through the Word was becoming real in the moment-by-moment experiences of life. His God-tank was filled everyday.
The man, after the summer ended, got a job at a retail store. It was sometimes boring work. But very quickly, the man came to really appreciate those he worked with. They were real. Many did not know God. This pushed the man to want to know even more. He studied more. He learned more. He understood more. He was growing. And he was used. God used the man in the life of one of the people he worked with. God was working in this other person's life. Many nights of closing up the store together allowed the two to talk about God. The other person had questions. The other person had never read God's Word. The man bought this other person a Word of their own. The other person began reading. The other person began to have questions answered. The other person came to love God and God's Word like the man. The other person's family now knows God too. More pages of the Word became real to the man.
Some time goes by. The man now works in an office. He sits in front of a computer screen for many hours a day. The man becomes very busy. He has many other things to think about. Responsibilities to take care of. His Word sits on his desk. He looks at it from time to time. He wants so much to open it and read it. He wants to study it. He wants to understand it. He wants the deep need to return. He slips. He feels so far away from God. All he wants is to be with God again. To know God again. To study God's personality. To understand God. But he is busy. So many other thoughts take up space in the man's mind. He does not have time for God's Word. To read it. To study it. To understand it. He slips more. His head still knows of God. But his deeper knowing of God and His realness are slipping. He cannot see God anymore. Feel God. Understand God. The once passionate, nutrients-filled relationship is suffocated.
The man now sits in his office typing a story about a man who is himself. The man realizes that he cannot see, feel, or understand God because the once life-giving Word sits cold on his desk. The connection is made. Just as the man cannot know what hot feels like unless he has touched something hot. So too, the man cannot know God unless he reads God's Word and studies it. And the man knows that because God is so beyond words to describe, this reading and studying and understanding must be an ongoing life activity.
The man sitting in his office writing the story about a man who is himself has relearned something today. You cannot see God without looking through the glasses that God has given. God appears fuzzy and small without these glasses. The Word is the glasses God has given. The man needs to read it again. He needs to study it again. He needs to understand it again. Otherwise, he will never again see or feel God.

A Sunrise of the Fourth Age

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4
This past Sunday, the leaders in the church announced to the congregation that the consistory and pastoral search team had extended a call to a new minister (actually a husband-wife ministry team). A process that began 18-months ago is now finally coming to a near close. The husband and wife combo will be coming to preach in two weeks. They have two young daughters and are coming from out-of-state. But the point of all this is to say that a new age has arrived. This couple will bring with them a whole new look at ministry. They will come in with fresh glasses. They bring experience, enthusiasm, and passion.
I am ready for this change. The past few months have been kicking my soul's butt. I have felt the need to always be on guard. And I have felt the weight of a heavy yoke. But God is working on my character development. He is teaching me perseverance. I am asking, from Him, for a spirit of contentment.

It Is Well With My Soul(ja Boy) ... and something about invading (aliens)

I have a lot that I could talk about tonight. Many thoughts going through my head.
Question: what is community? Seriously. What is community? What is Biblical community? I went to a dance last Saturday night at Hope College. I didn't really go hoping to find an answer to this question. (It was the most fun I've had in a long time.) Anyway, looking around the room, I began to notice something. Something strange was taking place. All around the room little pockets of people stood together enjoying the simple fact that they were around each other. And these pockets moved together around the room. Maybe for a brief moment they would leave to get a drink or snack and then they would all return together to the dance floor and resume their "bringing sexy back."
I had my own little pocket of people to be with. And yes, we moved around together. And you felt totally comfortable within your pocket to do whatever your body would allow. You were safe. Everyone else around you was moving crazy and perhaps even a "little strange" too. You could be yourself on the floor -- reserved, random, absolutely insane, goofy, weird. It was a place of acceptance. And honestly, who doesn't want a place where they can be accepted for who they are? It was a glimpse into community.
I have many questions regarding what true community is. I have always struggled with understanding community. I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in on experiencing it, genuinely. I do know that there are many parts to it. And the dance helped my mind to grasp a little better this idea of "feeling safe." This is just one part of community. And this part can happen in the secular world, the structured church, and is vital to a healthy gathering of those living in relationship with Christ.
Then tonight... God opened my eyes to another important part of community. The piece the secular world is missing, even the structured church in many respects. Genuineness. In the last few months I have been on a roller coaster ride of feelings: depression, frustration, confusion, and uneasiness. People have started asking questions. They have been intervening. I have seen intentionality. Earnestness. But tonight something about it seemed preplanned, or rather orchestrated. I went to the Gathering at Hope College (a Sunday-night worship service for students at Hope College). It happens every week and I have been attending for almost a year now. After a message and communion, there is always a time of smaller-based, passionate singing. I am standing in a row with two of my students, feeling soul-numb and just not in the mood to sing, when a fellow youth pastor friend of mine, Rob, comes and seeks me out. We're just starting a new song when he purposefully comes and stands by me and grabs me by the arm and back of my head and right there in the middle of the worship begins just praying for me. An intense prayer. A heartfelt prayer. Praying against the worries and burdens. Praying for healing and restoration and joy. I am taken aback. And to make things more interesting, the song now playing is, It Is Well With My Soul, a personal favorite of mine. The words of that song run so deep within me, that it always finds a way to bring my heart to its knees. Having these words ringing out in the background during the prayer with Rob made my spine shiver. Thoughts begin pouring through my head. I feel the straps around my wrists begin loosing. I feel pound after pound of emotional fat begin to melt away. After the prayer, my first thought is: "why don't we feel comfortable being this to each other on Sunday mornings?" Why don't we feel safe (there is that word again) to invade each others lives on a week-by-week basis? For many in churches around the country, you may only get an hour together on Sunday morning. Are we truly living in community with each other for that single hour? Is this even possible? And do we really want to or know how to really be a community of believers? So I challenge you today with this: is weekly "meeting time" church serving to build up a community of believers completely devoted to Christ in their life and in the lives of others around them? If the answer is no. How do we, the Bride of Christ, raise up from the ashes an in-relationship-with-God-centered, safe, genuine fellowship? Read Acts 2:42-47, 4:23-37, 5:12-42. These are just some of the passages that God has used to walk me down the hard road of looking at the way we were "doing" church. Passages that made me question whether we were supposed to be "doing" church at all. No where in the Bible does it ever talk about the once-a-week gathering at a church "facility" where you listen to one person preach a prepared message and sing songs to the music of a prepared worship band or pianist/organist. These are just a portion of my thoughts. But it is late now and I will turn in for the night.
Goodnight.

Birthday Thanks...

So today is my birthday. I will be 22-years old as of 7:43pm. This is not a big jump. Nothing like at 13 (no more trying to be cool like a teenager, now you are one), 16 ("sixteen candles...."), 18 (officially legal to buy cigarettes, lotto tickets, make it into any movie, and by default earn the title "adult"), or 21 (well, we all know what comes with this one...). 22 is just a new age. But I really want to thank those of you who are helping to make the day a celebration.
Later today, I get to hang out with some really cool people. I'll be going to the Hope Homecoming football game and the dance following. I guess I was asked to the dance by 4 ladies. So I'll be their male escourt. Woooohooo! But I just wanted to thank you for helping to make this day special. Every new age of a person's life is a new opportunity for God to grow you in wisdom and gray hairs. And I do want wisdom. I look forward to wisdom. To gaining wisdom. The Bible talks about the wisdom of a person quite often. It even becomes personified in Proverbs. I know that things have been a little rough lately. But I do appreciate what you're doing. And I know this day will be whatever I allow it to be.

Thank you, Father, for blessing me with 22-years on this earth. Thank you for blessing me with people who care enough to go out of their way to do something nice for me. And I ask you Father that you would give me joy again. I just want your joy again. Amen-