Gideon's $1.29

Judges 7.
Gideon defeats the Midianites.
If you get the opportunity, read that chapter. It is fascinating. Gideon is fascinating. And even more fascinating is God in this story. The way He strips down the comfort of Israel. Israel had grown to find much safety in her armies. Since their exodus from Egypt, God had been mustering her armies for battle many times before. If God fought with them, they won. If God was not with them, they lost. And ran. And hid. And were taken captive. And plundered.
But on this occasion, God has called Israel to do battle with the Midianites. And there is a catch of sorts...
vs. 2 says: "The LORD said to Gideon, 'You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her, announce now to the people, "Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead."' So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained."
Once more, the LORD said there were too many men for Him to deliver Israel. And so again, the LORD sifts the army and this time...
vs. 7 says: "With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands."
32000 men. Gideon's army.
300 men. God's army.
God sifts. God whittles. God removes the obvious comfort of having 32000 men armed and ready for battle. And God knew, knowing the heart of men for which He created, that a defeat with that many men would have meant Israel seeing her own glory. And so, God being the jealous God that He is, removes any chance that Israel can look to herself anymore. He wanted the glory for Himself. He is God, after all. He is more than worthy of all glory. Glory was created for Him and Him alone.
Here is my story. I left my job as the Youth Director at Trinity Reformed Church last December. I left with my 2001 Saturn wagon (which I still owed money on). With less than $2000 in my savings (in March, I had to pay a $950 car insurance payment). And with the need to do some healing.
Eventually, I ended up in Duluth, MN. By this time, I had $800 to my name. This was in April. (Now mind you, I still have that annoying car payment each month. I have been trying to sell that vehicle since April.) I settled into the school bus and began searching the city for a job. Any job. Just something to help put food on the table and gas in the car. The job never came. I had found one, at The Edgewater Hotel and Resort as a housekeeper, but the Lymes Disease I had back in June prevented that from working out. I have applied to restaurants, hotels, retail stores, group homes, etc. Nothing. I have had a few interviews. But nothing has worked out.
I sit here, August 12th, and have yet to find work here in Duluth. And my time is drawing to a close. God has been whittling down my comfort. He has been sifting. I have tried to be responsible with the money I had this year. I have bought nothing frivolous. I have taken my girlfriend out to eat a few times and we've been to a few movies. I bought wood stain for my growing carving passion. I bought a new basketball. I have filled my gas tank just enough times to get by. I have kept just enough food around to survive off (in addition my girlfriend has helped tremendously in this area -- so a big thank you to her). And that is it. Besides the car payment. Having just written out my check for August's car payment, and making sure my checking account had enough to cover that cost, I will have $1.29 remaining to my name. By the goodness of my parents, I do have $42 in my wallet for gas for making it back to Iowa soon. A trip I will have to make, as a job may have come available down there. But there it is. If you would like to rob me, you now know how much I would be able to offer you.
I understand a huge difference resides between the importance of Gideon's story and my own. One deals with the safety of a nation. And God's glory through her. The other story deals with one man's trying to survive. One very small man. And God's glory through his story. God loves that one small man. And I used Gideon's story to begin, only because in a much smaller way, I too have had my comfort and safety sifted. Whittled. And God wants me to trust Him. With whatever I have left. And so I must. Even if I must walk everywhere. And eat wild berries from the side of the road. And pee in the woods (which I had been doing while living on the bus). I will strive to trust.
It is one of my biggest weaknesses right now. Trusting. I have been awful at it. And that may well be why God keeps whittling. Why my funds are being sifted. Because they do not belong to me. They never did. They have always been His. And He wants me to understand that and trust Him, to which they belong. He can do whatever He may please.
He still deserves the glory. He must have it. No matter what we do. God is glorified. It is the joy of the LORD that His creation should bring Him glory. He doesn't need it from us. He is awesome, incredible, perfect, loving, compassionate, good, and a host of other words which fail to all-encompass Him. But I want Him to be glorified through my little life. My small existence. If I am not, God will simply get it from somewhere else. For He may cause the very rocks to cry out His name!
Amen.
There it is. Gideon's $1.29.

Play-Doh: Modeling Compound

Something is off. I don't know what it is. For the past few days, something has not been right. I have not been right. This is partly why I have not written lately. So do not think that my mind has been quiet. It never quiets. Not anymore.
The next time you are at the store, walk over to the kid's toys section and find where the play-doh is sold. Grab a container. Read the front label. Play-Doh: Modeling Compound.
This past weekend was incredible. JUMP Retreat 08 at Camp Geneva with my Middle Schoolers (Fuse students). The speaker brought the truth of the gospel home to the student's ears. And in our small group time, amazing things took place. I had used the example of play-doh throughout the weekend to describe how Christ made us to be. Moldable. Moveable. Shapable. Soft. Able to look like the hands handling us. I even found some play-doh from a couple years ago that began to crystallize over. This was the example of living outside of God's intent for us. When we do not allow ourselves to be molded by the Creator, we just get hard and gross. And it is not an easy thing to become soft and moldable again. God designed us to be shapable. So that we could be continually transformed into His image. Oh what a beautiful image. The God who was, and is, and is to come created a being in His image.
Play-doh was designed to be shaped.
Somewhere along the way, we all gave up our play-dohishness.
In search of our own image, we have all become like dried out play-doh.
You and I were worthy of being thrown out.
Christ came to restore the dried out play-doh.
He came to restore His image into us.
And yet, we still run in search of our own image. We find other things to categorize us. All we want. All we desire. Is to find something bigger-than-ourselves to categorize us. We need to be found in something. And since God is no golden calf, we put ourselves in the hands of everything else but God-Creator. Problems arise. Unsatisfaction takes hold. Where JOY in God-Creator once existed. Now BITTERNESS remains. Where PEACE once stood. Now ANGER resides. Where LOVE was given. Now SELFISHNESS is all that is left. What once was created GOOD. Cannot escape being BAD. And HARD. And GROSS.
Two examples of things existing outside of their purpose: hard play-doh and sinful man.
Here is hope.
"It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately--at the end of the ages--become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God. Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God's living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself!"
"They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you're named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls."
What kind of play-doh are you?
What kind do you want to be?
If I am honest with myself. Lately I have been the hard, gross kind.
The words set free are stuck like bad plumbing in my mind right now. These words strum a cord on the guitar that is my heart. This dry chunk of play-doh just wants to be soft again. Oh to be soft again.
Play-Doh: Modeling Compound.