Have you ever heard the phrase: "You are what you eat?" This phrase always confused me. I would watch people eat at restaurants and NOTHING ever happened to them. No great transformation would take place before my eyes. They just did not change into their food. They were people. They were eating food. "Maybe it takes some time to effect a person," I would think to myself.
If you stop and think about it, doesn't the opposite actually happen? For example, a really plump, juicy cheeseburger (with extra cheese -- STOP it Nat, you're making yourself hungry) seemed so much like happy food that the noises coming from the bathroom stalls shortly afterward never seemed to match up with the phrase. That burger was good. The results were not so pretty. Hmmmmmm...(I'm just gonna go grab a cheeseburger while I think on this some more... be back soon).
Before I go any further, I should probably tell you that this post has nothing to do with any weight loss programs. I am not trying to sell anything. I don't intend to make you feel bad about the extra large slice of cheesecake nestled sweetly (no direct pun intended) between your thumb and fingers. I see it. Don't panic. I won't tell anyone. Except for maybe your health care physician. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just a big kidder. Ok... back to the topic at hand.
Switching gears a little (don't worry, I will bring the cheeseburger... uhhh, I mean phrase back into this post). An interesting thing happened tonight. I was sitting at this very computer, listening to one of my favorite bands -- Relient K, when my phone rings. It turns out to be my buddy Steve. He explains that this is short notice, but he wants to invite me to a guy's worship time on the Hope Campus... happening basically right now. To understand why this matters, earlier today I was recounting to my friend Paul some of the feelings that I have been struggling with over the course of the summer and on into the school year. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness gripped my heart this summer and refuses to totally let go. And I told Paul how I needed to find a place where I can feel safe and be accepted and where I can be poured into, as well as pour into others. That was just this afternoon. Today. Like... a few hours before this phone call. Keep up with me... so I told Steve that I would appreciate going along.
So fast-forward to arriving at Durfee Hall, on Hope's Campus. I settled into my big comfy couch, wedged nicely between two strange guys. Name introductions begin the night off. Fourteen guys. Five couches. Two beanbags. One room. Not having to wear a funky nametag: priceless. The conversation gets rolling. Good stuff. Healings. Struggles. Last minute Jesus-embraces. Prayer breaks out thanks to the Spirit's leading in my friend Steve. And KAABLAAAAM! That is fun to type, just so you know. Thoughts in my head wander to our phrase: "You are what you eat." No, I wasn't thinking about food. At least not up until that point. A conviction began to well up inside me, like the water pressure becoming too great for a dam to hold back its fierce power. I am listening to these guys -- men, real men -- just praising God and acknowledging His Power to do anything He wants. Even using a nothing person to heal (yes, like a physical healing of somebody's body). My soul was reaching out. Trying to find itself at the same place these men around me are at. But my mind and heart and soul, which we are commanded to love the Lord our God with all of, have been eating all the wrong food lately. We're not talking Fudge Rolls, Pizza, or Salad with lots of Ranch dressing. I am talking about selfishness, negativity, anger, worry, and conceitedness. But mostly selfishness. And as a result, my relationship with the Creator of everything we see has been pooping out some nasty things. I have not been myself. I have not been focused on the right thing: GOD, YAHWEH, LORD, HEALER, SAVIOR, CREATOR! I have not been drawing my food from Him, the Source of Life. I have not been living a life of praise. I have been so self-centered that I could barely remember how to praise tonight.
So now I want to remember how to praise. I want to live my life as a song to the Lord. I want to honor Him with all that I do, fully aware of my inability to live up to this. And that is part of what I was reminded of tonight. "Hey, Nat, you are not perfect. Stop trying to act like you are too worthy of a person to be going through what you're going through." Because the fact is: I am a mess up. And that is what God is going to use way more than the self-righteous Pharisee I had become. God uses screw ups. Jesus came to heal the sick (Matthew 9). Let's just face it: If you are not sick, you do not need a doctor. There is no point in spending the copay if something is not a little off. But I have been sick. I have become what I have been eating: JUNK!
I need to begin a diet shift. I need to sit myself down at the table of the Lord.
Papa, I need your food. I need to live out life-praise to you! I need to see. I need to focus on you. Help me to focus on you alone. May the odor of my heart-life be pleasing to you, an aroma to delight your senses. Goodnight, Papa.
Goodnight everyone.
If you stop and think about it, doesn't the opposite actually happen? For example, a really plump, juicy cheeseburger (with extra cheese -- STOP it Nat, you're making yourself hungry) seemed so much like happy food that the noises coming from the bathroom stalls shortly afterward never seemed to match up with the phrase. That burger was good. The results were not so pretty. Hmmmmmm...(I'm just gonna go grab a cheeseburger while I think on this some more... be back soon).
Before I go any further, I should probably tell you that this post has nothing to do with any weight loss programs. I am not trying to sell anything. I don't intend to make you feel bad about the extra large slice of cheesecake nestled sweetly (no direct pun intended) between your thumb and fingers. I see it. Don't panic. I won't tell anyone. Except for maybe your health care physician. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just a big kidder. Ok... back to the topic at hand.
Switching gears a little (don't worry, I will bring the cheeseburger... uhhh, I mean phrase back into this post). An interesting thing happened tonight. I was sitting at this very computer, listening to one of my favorite bands -- Relient K, when my phone rings. It turns out to be my buddy Steve. He explains that this is short notice, but he wants to invite me to a guy's worship time on the Hope Campus... happening basically right now. To understand why this matters, earlier today I was recounting to my friend Paul some of the feelings that I have been struggling with over the course of the summer and on into the school year. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness gripped my heart this summer and refuses to totally let go. And I told Paul how I needed to find a place where I can feel safe and be accepted and where I can be poured into, as well as pour into others. That was just this afternoon. Today. Like... a few hours before this phone call. Keep up with me... so I told Steve that I would appreciate going along.
So fast-forward to arriving at Durfee Hall, on Hope's Campus. I settled into my big comfy couch, wedged nicely between two strange guys. Name introductions begin the night off. Fourteen guys. Five couches. Two beanbags. One room. Not having to wear a funky nametag: priceless. The conversation gets rolling. Good stuff. Healings. Struggles. Last minute Jesus-embraces. Prayer breaks out thanks to the Spirit's leading in my friend Steve. And KAABLAAAAM! That is fun to type, just so you know. Thoughts in my head wander to our phrase: "You are what you eat." No, I wasn't thinking about food. At least not up until that point. A conviction began to well up inside me, like the water pressure becoming too great for a dam to hold back its fierce power. I am listening to these guys -- men, real men -- just praising God and acknowledging His Power to do anything He wants. Even using a nothing person to heal (yes, like a physical healing of somebody's body). My soul was reaching out. Trying to find itself at the same place these men around me are at. But my mind and heart and soul, which we are commanded to love the Lord our God with all of, have been eating all the wrong food lately. We're not talking Fudge Rolls, Pizza, or Salad with lots of Ranch dressing. I am talking about selfishness, negativity, anger, worry, and conceitedness. But mostly selfishness. And as a result, my relationship with the Creator of everything we see has been pooping out some nasty things. I have not been myself. I have not been focused on the right thing: GOD, YAHWEH, LORD, HEALER, SAVIOR, CREATOR! I have not been drawing my food from Him, the Source of Life. I have not been living a life of praise. I have been so self-centered that I could barely remember how to praise tonight.
So now I want to remember how to praise. I want to live my life as a song to the Lord. I want to honor Him with all that I do, fully aware of my inability to live up to this. And that is part of what I was reminded of tonight. "Hey, Nat, you are not perfect. Stop trying to act like you are too worthy of a person to be going through what you're going through." Because the fact is: I am a mess up. And that is what God is going to use way more than the self-righteous Pharisee I had become. God uses screw ups. Jesus came to heal the sick (Matthew 9). Let's just face it: If you are not sick, you do not need a doctor. There is no point in spending the copay if something is not a little off. But I have been sick. I have become what I have been eating: JUNK!
I need to begin a diet shift. I need to sit myself down at the table of the Lord.
Papa, I need your food. I need to live out life-praise to you! I need to see. I need to focus on you. Help me to focus on you alone. May the odor of my heart-life be pleasing to you, an aroma to delight your senses. Goodnight, Papa.
Goodnight everyone.
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